Wear Recycle

Back To Her Creative Education Roots In Chicago

2011-09-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

For Immediate Release Contact: Nicky Watts
Sept 24 2011
Email: nickyjmail@yahoo.com
Cell: 702-419-3004

Back To Her Creative Education Roots In Chicago
Deliberate Underground Tour
Wear Recycle; Spark Here

Chicago, Illinois- Cobra Lounge. Nicky Watts, conceptual artist and producer of Wear Recycle, returns to Chicago to reunite with her arts educational roots while raising funds for her grand move to Los Angeles in December. Deliberate Underground is the name of the tour and is Watts’ second national tour. While in Chicago, Watts will paint 4 84”x120” paintings for the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, step in as a guest lecturer at University of Illinois at Chicago, and close with a fundraiser at Cobra Lounge on Sept 24,, 2011.

“Chicago will always be a place of return. My seven year experience here was rich with incredibly talented people, cutting edge art exhibitions, great music, and a lot lot lot of whiskey. This time around, the Get Up With The Get Downs have invited me to host Wear Recycle; Spark Here at their concert. I’m so excited. We use to get crazy together! The whiskey will definitely be flowing, good tunes will be rocking, and friends, fans, and followers will finally have access to the new Wear Recycle in person! This is not an evening to miss” says Watts.

Nicky Watts moved to Chicago in 2001 to attend the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. After completing a year, she decided to transfer to University of Illinois at Chicago. UIC resonated with her because of their educational base in research. They focus on how to develop a full idea, research the idea, and decide the medium based off what will get this idea across. This way of developing art is very evident in Wear Recycle.

Wear Recycle stands for the Wear-ing down of Recycle-d behavior patterns. The project intends on teaching people how to find their own outlet to deal with the parts of themselves they do not prefer. Watts’ outlet is collaborative art, conceptual process, and tedious craft. There are five different types of exhibitions that come out of Wear Recycle; Wear Recycle; Torn Apart, Wear Recycle Poster Shows Series, Mediums Explored, Moments Captured in Time; Wear Recycle Digital Photography, and the Livin performances. This tour is to promote Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show while raising capital to move to Los Angeles in December.

Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show is the second of seven in this series. The final paintings were produced during a seven day Livin performance that took place in the heart of historical San Francisco, Dolores Park. The eight paintings were exhibited at Mission and 18th in the Mission District, San Francisco on Aug 24th, 2011. Over fifty-five people contributed artistically and more who volunteered. It was incredible to have so many people involved. Check out the Wear Recycle facebook page for photos.

Artist, Nicky Watts

For more info go to www.wearrecycle.com, wearrecycle.blogspot.com, or call Nicky at 702-419-3004. Schedule and performance guidelines. Collaborating artist: www.dermafilia.com and http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Barfing-Rainbows/179188975468349

Success in the Bay! An introduction to the Experience Nice Never Lasts, San Francisco

2011-09-08T18:58:00.001-07:00

For immediate release
Contact: Brent Holmes
Sept 8, 2011
Email: barfing3rainbows@yahoo.com
Cell: 702-419-3004

ONE HOUR, EIGHT HUGE PAINTINGS, ONE BUILDING, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MISSION.
‘Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show Exhibition’
and ‘Livin San Francisco’ were huge successes.

SAN FRANCISCO- Fifty-five people participated and later eight 84”x 120” paintings were exhibited on an abandoned warehouse on 18th and Mission on Aug 28, 2011 for one hour!

To see pictures follow: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150348120478255.395875.104109633254

The goal was met, the outcome of a seven day performance with a bizarre set of rules, all self-imposed by Wear Recycle Artist Nicky Watts in the latest of her recent series of ‘Livins’. During these stints, she lives and works cloistered in a participating gallery and doesn’t allow herself to leave the space for several days. She becomes dependant on friends to bring her food and necessities. But this time for a 7 day span in San Francisco’s Mission District, Nicky turned the concept on its head and once again forged a bargain with herself.

“It was 1:30am on Sunday night,” said Wear Recycle Artist Nicky Watts. “I hadn’t slept the night before. I wore six to seven layers of clothes and a winter jacket. I was desperate to sleep, but didn’t know if I would sleep under the roof of a stranger or pass the night on the streets. I had talked my way into a bar with an interesting fusion band. There were belly dancers. I didn’t fit in at first, but that’s what being uncomfortable is all about.”

She entered a new phase on the ongoing performance that has played out sporadically over the last two years in Chicago, Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Oakland. This time, Nicky Watts will completely shun the comforts of home and gallery. Nor would she enter her studio or any other “place of comfort.” Instead, she spent 7 days seeking the company of strangers and wondering where she’d allow herself to fall into a fitful sleep at night.
From Watts’ journal of the experience:

“Sat Sarbat of Satori Dance agreed to open up his dance floor for a night of well deserve slumber. I had approached him outside of the bar. He had a foot scooter so I assumed he lived close. His flamboyance and keen dance skills allowed me to feel like he was a safe bet. This was the first of six nights in which I was not allowed to enter previously established comfort zones as guidelines for Livin San Francisco. The performance was in conjunction with Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, San Francisco. Sat’s studio was my home for the week. We were strangers, but very close. Sat was my teacher. He introduced me to the ability of setting physical boundaries through eye contact and gestures.

Underground JP was the next to guarantee the success of the Nice Never Lasts goal. He offered me a ride the first morning going to Dolores Park. By the time we arrived, he had offered to pick me up each night, drop me off each morning, and store my stuff in the evening. I couldn’t believe it. He made it so easy and reminded me that people can just go out of their way with no expectation. JP did it because every time he travels, someone has always stepped up and done something nice. Those actions make him happy, so he was giving it back. That was beautiful.”

With an established home base, reliable transportation, and storage these two strangers became key components in the completion of eight 84”x120” paintings in Dolores Park, San Francisco. Watts still needed to depend on over 35 additional strangers in the intense sun and random fog to help paint the massive pieces of art. It took nine people and a journey to install.

More pictures:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150350003443255.396429.104109633254
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150350826278255.396633.104109633254

Watts has now started the heavy travel portion of her tour, Deliberate Underground West Coast to East Coast with Wear Recycle events in Ohio, Chicago and Massachusetts. Four more Nice Never Lasts Paintings will be produced along this tour. The tour ends with an array of exhibitions showcasing the artwork created by Wear Recycle’s experimental journey: Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show exhibition; Livin, Las Vegas, Mediums Explored; Enclosed Las Vegas, Mediums Explored; Image Burned Las Vegas.

* * *

The Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show team is producer/lead artist Nicky Watts,* graphic design Brent Holmes of Barfing Rainbows. 2d artist Kyana Holzman of Dermafila, San Francisco, Photography team includes: photographer Nicky Watts, hair stylist Valarie Zwahlen of Regis Salon, make up artist Samantha Henrickson, assistants Jeanette Spradley, and Jennifer Nicholson. Participants are Toni Thorburn of Aspen Communications, Keenan Partridge, Cozy Stone of The Cozy Bra, and Brittany Rael. Writer is Patricia Blauvelt. Canvas construction was completed by: Nicky Watts, Doug Ecks, LA, Jon Wotell, Susan Tosches-Deneau of Altered Nation and Mina Kahn. Nicky Watts as recycle paper sculptor and performer. Painters are: Nicky Watts, Courtney, Garrett Begay, Simon Cohn, Alfred Megally, Danielle J. Neff, Gregory, Amanda Brown, James the Beer Man, Crystal Easton, Isaac Constantine, Dylan Davis, Jamie Rawls, Kalu Ribush, Luke Travis, Paige Lerios, John Koerchen, J.Scribe, Jesus Ley, Roman Whitten, Erika Quintana, Adrian Linder, Tonia Williams, Chris Flowes, Lulu Matute, Krossbones, Jessica Alicdan, Stephanie Rose, Michael Deeb, and quite a few others that ran off before signing the book. Other people who helped: Sat of Satori Dance, Underground JP, Luke Spray, Sean Fissel, Connor Holms, Michael Connolly, Taylor McElroy, JD Wheeler, and Krossbones. In addition, Kyana Holzman, Wilson Pozado, Paul Bancroft, Titus, and Quinn. Caren, Lulu, Meleina Hancock, Gia Ray, Amos Martinez, Rich Castro, the Lefrancios family, and Nevade Arts Counsel.
For more info go to www.wearrecycle.com, wearrecycle.blogspot.com, or call Nicky at 702-419-3004. Schedule and performance guidelines. Collaborating artist: www.dermafilia.com and http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Barfing-Rainbows/179188975468349

If you're interested in funding the continuation of this project please follow the link below.

http://wearrecycle.blogspot.com/2010/10/donate-link.html

Wear Recycle stands for: The Wear-ing down of Recycle-d behavior patterns.

Nice Never Lasts hangs on building and we only have $358 left out of the $1251 needed by Wednesday

2011-08-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

When I decided to take up a 3 month artist residency I wanted to leave feeling like I understood what San Francisco has to offer. I wanted a unique and genuine SF experience. With the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco I did just that.

This was my third Livin performance and there were three vital parts to it:

Finish 8 84"x 120" paintings derived from the posters designed for Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show in Dolores Park

Complete a 7 day Livin performance in which I am not allowed to enter my comfort zones. I had to find places to sleep, store my canvases, tools, and materials, transport everything, and I needed lots of help painting the canvases. All of which were achieved in perfect harmony. Everyone involved was a stranger, yet everyone involved was as dedicated as myself for the moment they contributed.

The third goal was to have all 8 paintings exhibited on the side of a building for at least an hour on Sunday, Aug 28, 2011. The first week I came to San Francisco I spotted the warehouse across the street from Dermafilia on 18th and Mission. I knew I wanted it there. I said then it was going to be on there, but I never really confirmed that. I didn't have any idea of how to do something like that. The hanging of the posters finished at 4:55pm and stayed up until 6pm on that warehouse. Here's the installation! :)

Elaborate details to come. I will be writing while I travel the country in the west to east coast finale of Wear Recycle's second tour. Right now the I want to focus on the success of the exhibition and immediate needs to move forward in the second Wear Recycle tour.

To leave the Bay area and move on with the rest of my tour, I need to raise a total of $1251. I have raised $842 thus far and have $358 to go. Please click the donate button to make your contribution so that Wear Recycle can continue its journey. Anything small or large is highly appreciated.

Thanks for following and thanks for those who participated. Below is the credits of all the wonderful people involved. Let me know if I missed you, even if you did a "small" job.

<3 Nicky

The artists involved in this show are:

Lead Artist: Nicky Watts of Nicky Watts Studios, Las Vegas

Graphic Design: Brent Holmes of Barfing Rainbows, Las Vegas

2d Transformation of Photo: Kyana Holzman of Dermafilia, San Francisco

Writer: Tricia Blauvelt

Translations: Harold and Gaby (maybe... will try to correct)

Sewing of Canvases: Nicky Watts, Doug Ecks, Los Angeles, Susan Tosches-Deneau of Altered Nation, Las Vegas, Jon Wotell, Las Vegas, Amos Martinez, Las Vegas, and Mina Kahn, Las Vegas

Photography Shoot Team: Nicky Watts, Valarie Zwahlen of Regis Salon, Henderson, NV, Samantha Henrickson, Las Vegas, Jeanette Spradley, Reno, and Jennifer Nicholson, Las Vegas

Participants Include: Toni Thorburn of Aspen Communications, Las Vegas, Keenan Partridge, Las Vegas, Cozy Stone of The Cozy Bra, Las Vegas, and Brittany Rael, Las Vegas

Painters are: Nicky Watts, Courtney, Garrett Begay, Simon Cohn, Alfred Megally, Danielle J. Neff, Gregory, Amanda Brown, James the Beer Man, Crystal Easton, Isaac Constantine, Dylan Davis, Jamie Rawls, Kalu Ribush, Luke Travis, Paige Lerios, John Koerchen, J.Scribe, Jesus Ley, Roman Whitten, Erika Quintana, Adrian Linder, Tonia Williams, Chris Flowes, Lulu Matute, Krossbones, Jessica Alicdan, Stephanie Rose, Michael Deeb, and quite a few others that ran off before signing the book

Other people who were instrumental in getting this accomplished was: Housing and Food: Satori of Satori Dance, Storing the materials and canvases, driving me to and from Dolores Park each day, and feeding me was undercover JP, moving and/or storage, Luke Spray, Sean Fissel, Connor Holms, Michael Connolly, Taylor McElroy, JD Wheeler, and Krossbones. Kyana Holzman, Wilson Pozado, Paul Bancroft, Titus, and Quinn for hosting me for the three month artist residency, Caren for donating sheets, bringing me to get paint, and bringing me ice cream, Lulu for making me a delicious sandwich and bringing joy to the Dolores Park experience, Meleina Hancock for being my never ending support in preparation for the performance, Gia Ray for starting out the show with Brent and I, Amos Martinez for letting me so bluntly use him in my exploration of behavior patterns (previous host who was doing my dishes....for those of you who got that story), Rich Castro for being a never ending support for me and Wear Recycle, the Lefrancios' for believing in me, and NAC for spreading the word.

Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show Series, San Francisco

2011-08-27T23:48:00.000-07:00

It's official! The Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco is over! The paintings are done.

More details about the experience to come. I will Leak a little... over 52 people worked on these paintings from start to finish! Yup. That's a lot :)

To see the exhibition, be at Mission and 18th at 5pm tomorrow/today, this Sunday. Don't know how long they'll be up for so don't be late.

If you want to help set up, call me. 702-419-3004.

Official Performance Guidelines

2011-08-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

Official Performance Guidelines
Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco.

Aug 20th until Aug 27th.
Dolores Park, San Francisco
Presentation Aug 28th.
Time and location to be announced, midnight, eve of the 28th

I must stay out of my comfort zones

I am not to update facebook or twitter unless I have to leave Dolores Park with all my stuff during hours in which I am scheduled to be there. Update must be clear and simple… I’ll be back, when, quick why.

I must have eight 84 x 120” paintings of the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show posters completed. Artistic liberty is expected. Images below.

Each of the 8 paintings must to be displayed in public on Aug 28th

I must use my recorder.

I must blog/journal for one hour every evening. If I have internet access it must be blog.

I must meditate for 1 hr every evening

I must raise at least $1251 ($700 already raised) + cost of hotel before I am willing to purchase a hotel. The $1251 is for obligations to move out of my unofficial three month artist residency and return my stuff to storage in Las Vegas.

Where I will stay at night is currently unknown. I am not allowed to return to the Volcan (where my residency was) once I leave Sunday, Aug 21 at 7am.

I am not to buy food outside of a grocery store until I have succeeded in raising the $551 + cost of hotel

I must get an email, mailing, telephone list from visitors.

If I end up with a hotel or private stable location personal phone use seizes and continues that way until the paintings are displayed on Aug 28th. Absolutely no personal communication. Meditating goes up to 2 hours a night.

Schedule of Performance:
Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I leave where my night location is at 7am. Arrive at Dolores Park how ever long it takes me to get there.
Tuesday. Artist talk at Contra Costa College noonish (will find out if available to public). Depend situation will depend on schedule this day. I will attempt to be at the park prior, and will def be there soon after it's complete.

I can’t stop painting until 8pm. I can go longer if I want, but no earlier. Paint soon after arriving.

The Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle team is producer/lead artist Nicky Watts,* Designed by Brent Holmes of Barfing Rainbows. Sketched by Kyana Holzman of Dermafila, San Francisco, Photographed with a team including: photographer Nicky Watts, hair stylist Valarie Zwahlen of Regis Salon, make up artist Samantha Henrickson, assistants Jeanette Spradley, and Jennifer Nicholson. Participants are Toni Thorburn of Aspen Communications, Keenan Partridge, Cozy Stone, and Brittany Rael. Writer is Patricia Blauvelt, New Mexico. Canvas construction was completed by: Nicky Watts, Doug Ecks, LA, Jon Wotell, Susan Tosches-Deneau of Altered Nation and Mina Kahn. Nicky Watts as recycle paper sculptor and performer.

Here we go. Wish me luck :)

~nicky

www.wearrecycle.com
wearrecycle.blogspot.com (don't forget to follow it)
http://www.facebook.com/stremelling#!/wearrecycle

Drastic changes in Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco

2011-08-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

There have been drastic changes to the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco

Livin is the performance portion of the Wear Recycle Poster Show series. In Livin, San Francisco the plan is to paint 8 84"x120" paintings in Dolores Park in 7 days. When not at the park or in transit, I would be alone meditating and becoming comfortable with myself, something I've always struggle with.

The point of Livin is to identify a specific time in which I am to devote attention to problem behaviors in my life. I pick locations and times that challenge my comfort zones so that I am at a more vulnerable place emotionally to demonstrate the patterns I want to change. I document my findings during the experience and use the information to react differently in future situations. The art work is a result of this exploration. Collaboration and interaction are leading aspects of each exploration.

The project location I had previously planned on Russian Hill has become unavailable.

I contacted vacation renters and searched craigslist but no resolution. The only way I can replicate my original plan of being alone is a hotel. Due to budget, I am unable to do that. Right now I don't have a plan of where I'm going to stay each night. This was an original idea for this performance, but was narrowed out because of safety concerns. I had decided that being literally unsafe does not add to the success of the performance. In addition, it adds further concerns of access to healthy food, storage of my stuff, and bathroom use.

Another solution has not come forth yet. I don't feel right asking for sponsorship for a hotel room when I need to raise $1251 to keep my obligations previously agreed upon in my artist residency, including my departure date.

When I have exceeded raising the $1251 that I need to keep my obligations to leave + enough for a hotel = I will invest in a hotel for the performance. Until then the plan is either to sleep outside or find people to host me for the whole performance, or a night.

If you want to assure me a hotel room (honestly, what I think would be most successful for the performance and only not for sure because of funding) Then follow the donate sign. You won't regret it because I'll never give up :)

Official Press Release and up date of tour/ Nice Never Lasts

2011-08-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

Sent this out via email today :)

Hello all,

This is a mass email, but I assure you I was getting really excited seeing most of your emails. Some of you I didn't know.. but hi anyways.

Official Press Release:

Nicky Watts Studios
833 Aspen Peak Loop unit 424 | Las Vegas, NV 89011
www.wearrecycle.com
[e] nicky@nickywattsstudios.com
[t] (702) 419-3004

PRESS RELEASE

IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Nicky Watts
Email: nickyjmail@yahoo.com
Cell: 702-419-3004

Conceptual Artist Performs 7 days in Delores Park, San Francisco

August 20-27, 2011, San Francisco, CA – A city saturated with life, history, creation, heart, and fog is what conceptual artist Nicky Watts has discovered about the bay area. Her visit is an unofficial three-month artist residency at this intense art community called the Volcan in Oakland. The residency is the first portion of her five-month tour across the US. In Oakland, Watts works off a stage, lives in The Death Perch, sculpts and sews on Russian Hill, makes paper for sculpture in Sacramento and now plans to produce eight 84”x120” paintings at Delores Park in seven days during a Livin Performance. The paintings are for the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show exhibition that exhibits on the Aug 28, 2011.
Watts came to the area to produce Nice Never Lasts. This exhibition consists of eight 84”x120” paintings produced through a series of processes which has taken two years and currently fifteen people. Wear Recycle stands for the Wear-ing down of Recycle-d behavior patterns. It is an international project and includes series of exhibitions such as; Wear Recycle; Torn Apart, Wear Recycle Poster Show series, Livin, Mediums Explored, and Moments Captured in Time; Wear Recycle Digital Photography. Wear Recycle’s branches are spread to Los Angeles, the Bay Area, Chicago, Las Vegas, Ohio, Massachusetts, Idaho, Hawaii, Finland, Italy, India, the Philippines, Brazil, We hope to bring it every where.

For more info go to www.wearrecycle.com, wearrecycle.blogspot.com, or call Nicky at 702-419-3004. Schedule and performance guidelines. Collaborating artist: www.dermafilia.com and http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Barfing-Rainbows/179188975468349

So I've been on the second Wear Recycle tour since the end of May. My project location was Oakland, CA in a large artist warehouse community called the Volcan. My hosts were Kyana, Wilson, Titus, Paul, and Quinn. All fantastic musicians, artists, and clothing designers. I made art work on Russian Hill with Meleina, a textile designer who will be Lead Merchandise Director and create a textile team in San Francisco for Wear Recycle. There was a perfect view of the city and bridge. I saw the fireworks there, on the rooftop for July 4th.

Paper making happened in Sacramento with Bryan, Sheila, Krista, Sierra, and Nick. They all got there hands dirty making paper. Bryan and Sheila are truly happy and taught me a lot about letting go of judgment in order to live a peaceful and satisfying life. In July, Kyana and I were two designers in a fashion show. It was a fundraiser for a Spanish organization that supports Women Against Rape. Wear Recycle; Broken Hearted was produced and the models did a phenomenal job embodying the mood. With Tracey Chapman's Behind the Wall playing everyone was reminded what they were supporting. We nailed it! One of the pieces was donated to a fundraiser for breast cancer in Massachusetts, put on by Billie Jean, a consistent supporter of Wear Recycle and me as an artist.

I went to Denver and photographed two of the Wear Recycle participants, Enie and Nate. Nate and I had the most fantastic conversations, and Enie and her wonderful young kids were so flexible and helpful. I might not have handled the pressure of the Enie shoot well (I had 12 minutes to decide location, set up, and shoot), but we do have some digital pics to work with. Nate and I did what we had been doing the whole duration of my visit, talk about work. Shooting those two shoots completed the first series for Moments Captured in Time; Wear Recycle Digital Photography. It also made it possible to move forward on two more Wear Recycle Poster Shows. Those two marked a half way point! We're getting closer to finishing the Wear Recycle US Tour!

I made it to Las Vegas twice, once to attend a fundraiser for Be A Hero Gala For Education Success. It was a silent auction and I did a Mediums Explored piece testing a Nice Never Lasts painting. The piece was awesome! Well put together, good job painting, great design, image, words.. Love it. It wasn't exactly in the right place for a successful reaction, but it was our first fundraiser and we nailed it. Brent came with me. It was great to have two people there representing Wear Recycle. Plus I got to dress up, it was formal! I love dressing up and can't wait to have the opportunity to do it more often. The second time I compiled a team to help sew together a canvas for the Nice Never Lasts Exhibition. I won't lie, I was really tired and kind of failed at compile a large team, and sadly blew some people off (sorry), but I did get four people to help; Doug, Jon, Amos, and Mr. Wilson. Rich let us do it in his awesome new house.

Since the start of the tour I have produced just about enough work to produce two new installations when I return to Las Vegas, to be up for November First Thursday. Designed to Give is working on a location to present the Nice Never Lasts paintings. If you have a suggestion let me know. They're big.

For those who need clarification on Nice Never Lasts and Wear Recycle, it is the second in the Wear Recycle Poster Show series. The name is derived from a Wear Recycle Theory, a pattern I discovered in myself while working on Wear Recycle... Wear Recycle is the Wear-ing down of Recycle-d behavior patterns. I've been exploring this idea and judgment through out the production of the show. Collaborating artists for Nice Never Lasts are Brent Holmes, the graphic designer for the show, and Kyana Holzman, the 2d artist that reinterpreted the Wear Recycle digital photos. The Wear Recycle photo team who was myself, Brittany Raen, Toni Thorburn of Aspen Communication, Keenan Partridge, Cozy Stone, Valarie Zwahlen of Regis Salon, Samantha Henrickson, Jeanette Spradley, and Jennifer Nicholson. I was the sculptor. The writer was Patricia Blauvelt and Catherine Savello of AdCat designed the Wear Recycle logo.

Each Wear Recycle Poster Show has an element called Livin. Livin is a performance in which I set strict guidelines for living situation and must live by those for a predetermined amount of time. For Seasons; Wear Recycle Poster Show Chicago and Las Vegas, I lived in the gallery for five days. I wasn't allowed to leave. What I am sending you is the press release for the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show Livin San Francisco.

Let me know any ideas you have for getting involved with Wear Recycle, I'm really flexible and like to get most people involved. I will note that I don't chase people any more; contact me if you see a way in which you can benefit from working with me. I will judge if it is mutually benefiting on my end.

I survive right now on small donations from individuals. As small as $2 from a high school student in the Philippines, to larger amounts and consistent smaller amounts. Right now, I am looking for a major patron that trusts in my abilities to succeed in my vision. Please pass along the information if you know anyone you think would benefit from becoming more involved.

Let me know if you want to be taken off the list or if you have a better email to switch to.

Please distribute it to as many people as you can. Thank you for following me and supporting me. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.

~Nicky

PS. I apologize if you get duplicates. Yahoo changed their program and it's making it very difficult for me. I'm not that great with the whole technology world, but I'm trying :).

Announcement of Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show, Livin, San Francisco

2011-08-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

Announcement of Nice Never Lasts, Livin, San Francisco Aug 20-27, 2011

I am the producer of Wear Recycle and will be performing my Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show Livin San Francisco performance between Delores Park and Russian Hill in San Francisco Aug 20-27, 2011. I will attempt to paint eight 84"x 120" paintings in seven days with mainly donated material. I intend on exhibiting them on buildings on Aug 28th, but will need to identify the how during the performance.
The importance of the performance is to push me out of my comfort zone so that I am forced to evaluate negative behavior patterns I experience. There are two ways to define success for this performance: if I've followed the guidelines of the performance and taken advantage of the opportunity to learn about myself, grow and effectively communicate this growth to a larger audience. The second is whether I've completed the eight paintings and exhibited on the sides of buildings. The ideal exhibition will be to have all 8 on buildings in close proximity to one another all day on Sunday the the 28th of Aug. There will be some sort of closing gathering Sunday night.

Details:
The performance will start when I arrive at the Russian Hill apartment I will be staying in for the duration of the performance. Once I enter the apartment for the evening direct communication through phone will end during the performance. Strict guidelines will be enforced for necessary work communications. No personal conversation is allowed.

Every morning at 7am I will leave the Russian hill apartment and make my way to Delores Park. According to the guidelines, I am not allowed to spend any money, so I will be walking or will find a ride. No rides will be set up prior. I will paint at the park until 8pm. Once the paint dries I will return to Russian Hill and face to face contact will end for the evening.

While at Russian Hill, I will learn to be quiet and comfortable alone. I will write, reflect, and organize but most importantly I will meditate for at least two hours a night. I’ve never spent consecutive days meditating.

For the duration of the performance I must raise $1251 to depart with my stuff from Oakland and continue the rest of the tour. I am due to leave Oakland no later than Sept 1st. www.facebook.com/#!/wearrecycle?sk=info

During the performance I will be required to record documentation through video, voice , and writing. These documentations need to be uploaded for public viewing before the close of the performance.

Schedule:
Saturday: Aug 20th: starts solo at apartment in Russian Hill
Sunday: Leave Russian Hill at 7am to make way for Delores Park
Arrive at Delores Park between 8-9am. Prepare to paint.
Paint until 8pm.
Make my way home from the park.
Arrive at Russian Hill apartment, face to face communication ends.
Monday: Same as Sunday.
Tuesday: Leave Russian Hill at 7am to make way for Delores Park
Arrive at Delores Park between 8-9am. Prepare to paint.
Paint until 10am
Travel to Bart (train card must be bought before performance starts)
Artist talk at Contra Costa College. Art History Survey.
When talk is complete, travel back to park. Resume painting.
Stop at 8pm.
Walk back to Russian Hill apartment. Be alone.

Wednesday: Same as Sunday.
Thursday: Same as Sunday.
Friday: Same as Sunday.
Saturday: Same as Sunday.
Sunday: Exhibit paintings. Location will be announced Saturday night through Wear Recycle social online sources.

Guidelines:
No personal communication through technology. Only through face to face contact.
Documentation must include video, voice recording, and blog writing. Documentation must be uploaded for public view before the end of the performance.
The only online social media that can be used is to announce blog posts, organize, events, and travel arrangements for current Wear Recycle happenings. No personal response is allowed. Only raw organizing details.
During the performance I have to raise $1251 to clear up tail ends in the Bay, move on from Oakland and continue the rest of my tour. The tour goes from LV to LA, Chicago, Ohio (http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=168896693172040), back to Chicago (http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=203937959648347 and artist talk at University of Illinois at Chicago), New York, Vermont, Massachusetts (http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=194846260561051), New Hampshire, and Maine. The tour ends with three exhibitions in Las Vegas in November, Nice Never Lasts and two unique Mediums Explored installations, one at Zen Yoga at Emergency Arts and the CAC display window in the Arts Factory.
I am not allowed to give money. I am not to exchange in that fashion. I will practice taking and accepting, something I struggle with. Exception, I can make two trips to the market. I do not have to ask for food. I can receive it, but will be prepared to eat what I bring.
No rides between Russian Hill and Delores Park can be planned prior to performance, but they can be accepted. Driver is not to go inside. Or to help bring my stuff upstairs. I must do that on my own.

New Description: Wear Recycle's thirst for outside involvement

2011-07-18T19:55:00.001-07:00

Wear Recycle is a collaborative production that guides individuals in finding an outlet to Wear down his/her Recycled behavior patterns in order to gain enough control to choose how to react to situations, as opposed to unconsciously reacting based off past experiences.

As her outlet, producer Nicky Watts creates a series of national and international art exhibitions based on her own exploration of self and effort to combat her extreme behaviors within intimate and professional relationships. The artwork is a result of collaboration and/or a meditative process. Creating collaboratively is the process in which Watts is forced to cope with her difficulties with communication, flexibility, and worthiness. She uses labor-intensive activities such as making and sculpting recycled paper or participating in Livin performances to meditate on her behaviors. It is within the reflection period that Watts chooses which behaviors she will change and which ones she will value.

The media used in Watts’ artwork vary depending on availability of materials and the specific collaboration. There are five different series of exhibitions: Wear Recycle; Torn Apart, the Wear Recycle Poster Show series, Livin Performances, Moments in Time; Wear Recycle Digital Photography, and Mediums Explored. Each has an individual importance within building the conceptual process of Wear Recycle.

Wear Recycle’s goal is to teach individuals how to discover, implement, and create their own outlet to communicate, explore, and change their own behavior patterns, similarly to how Watts is doing in her artwork. Wear Recycle’s goals are to teach individuals how to create positive change in their lives. Creating change isn’t always an easy process; Nicky Watts works to demonstrate that even though it’s not easy, it’s worth it in the long run.

Moving Forward: Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show

2011-06-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I just updated you on what's been happening. Here's what's next.

I left Vegas to build the Nice Never Lasts exhibition in Oakland over the next 2 months. It will be finished for Aug. While here I'm making paper in Sacramento and I'm still in search for an appropriate place to sculpt the Wear Recycle; Torn Apart sculptures.

I'm hoping the Nice Never Lasts posters will be exhibited outside. They're going to be huge. I would like them to be hung on this abandoned building across from Delmafilia in the Mission District in San Francisco. I'm working towards figuring out how to move forward on this. Ideally they will hang for 7 days, the exact duration of my performance. Here's the first poster design (to be recreated as an original artwork).

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=189098047809756

After SF, Nice Never Lasts will exhibit in Las Vegas in November.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=127497203980510

The collaborating artists are:

Nicky Watts-producer, sculptor, photographer, final mixed media artist
Kyana Holzman-2d artist
Brent Holmes-graphic designer
Patricia Blauvelt-writer

Participants:

Brittany Raen
Toni Thorburn
Cozy Stone
Keenan Partridge

Additional Photo Shoot Team

Valarie Zwahlen-hair stylist
Samantha Henrickson-make up artist
Jeanette Spradley-assistant
Jennifer Nickolson-assistant

Moving forward....

I need to raise $4000 to accomplish this goal. This money covers

Rent while in Oakland
Transportation
Food

Supplies to make the posters... not sure the exact size yet, but they're going to be giant.
Studio rental to make them
Merchandise for the show
Advertising
Two receptions in Oakland, open reception and closing reception
Two receptions in Las Vegas.
Necessary promotional travel.
Travel for Brent to attend 1 reception in Oakland.
Travel for Kyana to attend 1 reception in Las Vegas
Other smaller shows that promote Nice Never Lasts (Kyana and I are creating a fashion line for a Women Against Rape organization to be presented in formal fashion show July 9th. It will double as fund raising for the organization and promotion)
Remainder, if any: Artist pays.... to keep appropriate involved artists surviving during production

In order to raise the funds I am asking family, friends, fans, and followers to step up and become a Wear Recycle patrons. There's a donation link to follow to PayPal for your easy contribution.

In exchange you will receive Wear Recycle gifts (if funding is not met it might take some time for the gifts, but it will arrive eventually. I do not forget.)

$50 or less

A t-shirt and postcard signed from by Nicky, Kyana, Brent, and which ever other involved parties I can get my hands on. Thank you on Wear Recycle website. Listed in the Nice Never Lasts; Wear Recycle Poster Show program.

$51-100

The above and a Nice Never Lasts Merchandise Poster signed by the above.

$101-200

The above but with an additional Nice Never Lasts Merchandise Poster (different design) signed by the crew.

$201-$400

The above and a small limited Recycled Paper Sculpture. The more money the more elaborate the sculpture (hard coated). Table top size.

$401-$700

The above except either a larger sculpture or a hard coated Recycle Paper Sculpture Hat.

$701-$1000

The above except a wall hanging installation recycled paper sculpture (hard coated).

If you would like to contribute more, please contact me personally and we can identify the most appropriate award.

Go to www.wearrecycle.com for more information on the WEar Recycle.

To Donate follow link:

Dec 2010 - June 2011

2011-06-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I have had consistent internet. Sorry for that affecting my blog updates.

Here are the accomplishments Wear Recycle has accomplished since New Years:

Was resident artist and fund raising coordinator at Blackbird Studios starting in November

December 2010
First Mediums Explored:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=171122269580275

February 2011
Operation: Wear Recycle Medium Study 2
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=185081698170845

March 2011
Left Blackbird Studios

April 2011
Wear Recycle: Mouth Heaven
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=207897015896743

May 2011
Made my first personal presentation for funding to a potential patron
Raised $1800 cash

Wear Recycle; On the Road Again fund raiser
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=205002679539569

Moved Wear Recycle to Oakland/San Francisco/Sacramento for next project location
Living in the Volcan Artist Community until Sept 1st

Emotionally

Leaps have been made since December. I have worked through many negative patterns, but also have changed my way of observing my behavior. I've learned to not hate myself for the negative behavior patterns I have. So in general, I am much happier than I was in 2010.

Lots more stuff to come :) New Theories, shows and events.

Discussing Nice Never Lasts

2010-12-21T02:35:00.000-08:00

Many of us are conflicted about what type of people we gravitate towards. I personally like assholes. Its deliberate. How can one trust a person that’s nice all the time? Let’s face it, we all have crazy. Each of our crazy is different, but its there. Nice people don’t show their crazy right away; they hold their opinion in until they explode. I’ve see it. I’ve lived it. Nice Never Lasts.

"The Happiness Hypothesis": Jonathan Haidt, Review

2010-12-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

The Happiness Hypothesis started out a fantastic book. An argument presenting the possibility that one's level of happiness is carried through genes. Generally, our level of happiness is regulated through our predestined script and is extremely difficult to change. I liked the argument because it essentially challenges everything I'm trying to prove within Wear Recycle.

The book then took a deep fall as it tried to bring the idea of happiness to religion, opposing conflicts, and then the real down fall: the meaning of life. For a book that had such a great focused start, by the end it broadened the subject matter so vaguely that it turned into a cheesy cliche' theory about how happiness in life roots from somewhere in between science and spirituality. Because I couldn't have read 15 billion other books that would tell me the same thing....without teasing me with research I'm much more interested in hearing more about.

~Nicky

2010-12-15T01:06:00.000-08:00

Nice Never Lasts: Wear Recycle Theory 4

I was sitting at the table squirting a zappos piece. Amos and I were battling over dishes in the sink. I told him not to do them, he had washed some of mine earlier. He looked at me and said, “You said you hate dishes, and I said I like dishes”. I argued for balance. The moment ended and silently, in a non-combative way went I back to my sculpture.

While spraying the water on the sculpture, my mind then went back into the conversation. It continued this conversation, as it often does with situations and interactions. It bounced back and forth from memory to memory. The interaction was reenacted, sometimes with word replacement to discover alternatives to the conversation. I stopped on one line; nice never lasts.

I realized at that moment that this was the first new Wear Recycle theory in quite a few months. The idea that nice never lasts completely explains why I choose honest asshole over a nice person. I don’t trust nice. Nice means you’re not going to tell me what you really think. Nice means you think about what is appropriate before you speak what’s on your mind. I only trust raw straight statements. I don’t comprehend holding back.

It all makes sense. It’s only a matter of time before real monster personality is revealed. I’d rather know the shit, lay it on the table. But has this ever been a successful match making process? Not at all.

The question that decides whether this is relevant in the Wear Recycle dialogue is figuring out where this pattern comes from. This is going to take time. I’ve never really thought about this before.

New Gallery Residency and Exhibition

2010-11-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=171122269580275&num_event_invites=0#!/event.php?eid=171122269580275

For my first resident artist gallery opening at Blackbird Studios I will be presenting a new series of work relating to Wear Recycle. These are the Recycled Paper Paintings. The goal of them is for me to experiment adding color to the paper that is sculpted in a similar fashion as the sculptures. The goal of these works is for me to become comfortable painting on the medium so that I can incorporate paint into the Zappos series of the sculptures. They are going to be Amazing!

The paintings will also be for sale online starting the evening of the reception. More details will be posted as I know them.

Check out Blackbird Studios @ http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100000296599040

Writing with Tricia Blauvelt: Road trip to New Mexico

2010-10-23T15:45:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know, Tricia Blauvelt, Wear Recycle writer, myself and a very awesome new friend Zen went on a road trip from Chicago to New Mexico. There were a few goals in the trip....Tricia and I wanted to complete the new updated literature for Wear Recycle, and Trish was moving there for the winter to pursue pottery. We had many adventures that will be explained in a different blog, but this is the Wear Recycle work we completed. :D

Introduction:

Wear Recycle is a series of international art exhibits integrating art, fashion, pop culture and psychology to understand patterns that develop in childhood and how they affect adult relationships. This conceptual art production brings together the process of making recycled paper and using that paper as the key medium to explore interaction.

Wear Recycle presents this question: Can we, as people, change parts of our behavior that don’t serve us by choosing how we act instead of reverting to inherent behavior. Artist, Nicky Watts, uses her life as a public experiment to prove it’s possible.

History:

Will be a time line...

Process:

Wear Recycle is a process oriented production in which the interactions that are occurring between participants, collaborators and Watts are just as important as the artwork itself. All Wear Recycle artwork is either a documentation of an interaction or a process in which Watts analyzes her internal reactions.

After a participant has been chosen, a plaster cast is taken from a fraction of the body. Watts then uses the cast as a base to build a sculpture with recycled paper. Once complete, a team is assembled to photograph the original participant wearing his/her cast.

During the photo shoots, Watts uses a digital camera and an 8x10 negative view camera. The digital film provides an opportunity for interaction among all participants involved in the process. The 8x10 negatives will be exhibited with the sculptures in the Wear Recycle exhibitions.

The Wear Recycle Poster Show:

The Wear Recycle Poster Show series offers various opportunities for interaction with the purpose of creating an environment to understand the concept of Wear Recycle. Each series will be a collaboration with a different designer or artist using the digital photography as the base inspiration.

The first exhibition in the Wear Recycle Poster Show series was named Seasons. These posters were designed by Catherine Savello from Verge Marketing Group and presented at The Elephant Room gallery in Chicago, IL and SPACE gallery in Las Vegas, NV.

A required part of each The Wear Recycle Poster Shows is a performance in which Watts confines herself to the gallery for a minimum of five days. This forces Watts to depend on people for necessities as well as companionship and offers an opportunity for random interaction.

Wear Recycle Exhibition:

The Wear Recycle exhibition will include the sculptures and photographs shot with the view camera. Each sculpture will be presented in a custom plexi-glass box, and the photographs will be printed 48x60 inches on handmade recycled paper. Accompanied with the artwork will be plaques honoring participants and sponsors.

Watts will spend one year establishing a new Wear Recycle exhibition in each country: Italy, Philippines, India, and Brazil. The close of Wear Recycle will include a selection of all the artwork in a retrospective exhibition and the publication of a book.

NARSAD:

In order to become a bridge between science and art Wear Recycle will soon be partnered with the nonprofit organization, NARSAD, National Alliance for Research on Schizophrenia and Depression. Watts’ goal is to teach people healthy ways of living by publicly discovering and changing her negative childhood patterns. Finding a researcher to supplement Watts’ discoveries will strengthen the understanding of how negative patterns can be replaced with healthy ones. Ten percent of the proceeds from the Wear Recycle exhibition will be donated to NARSAD’s “Sponsor a Researcher” program. With the goal of raising $30,000 in the U.S. exhibition, Wear Recycle will sponsor a beginning researcher with the hope to give continued support through out the his or her career.

Thank you Patricia Blauvelt for all of your hard work over the last week. You always take what's in my head and doesn't make sense to anyone else and transform it to some thing exactly what I meant to say ;).....and a whole lot better.

Wear Recycle On the Road Again....

2010-10-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to announce that tomorrow I fly to Chicago to be spending some really good quality time with Trisha Blauvelt. Trisha has been the main Wear Recycle writer since it started. She was the original concept developer with me and has been vital to the success of Wear Recycle. We will be spending approximately 10 days together while we embark on a journey to move her life to New Mexico, while taking the understanding of Wear Recycle to the next phase. By the time I return to Las Vegas, you will all be up to date with what Wear Recycle currently means and what we plan to be doing. A major goal in this time of rewriting is for the concepts and descriptions to all be ready for major grant writing and sponsors with the goal of getting major funding and a fiscal sponsor.

Hurray!

Donate link

2010-10-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Ok. I'm trying to make it easier for you all to donate. i know I've gotten some complaints on this. Hopefully this will work and then it will be on the website too.

Thanks again for donating. It is truly because of you that I can keep working Wear Recycle. You will not regret it. This project will grow to even bigger than i can imagine..... which is hard to do since I think big ;)

love you~ Nicky

Wow there's a lot to say

2010-09-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

I know its been an insanely long time since I've blogged and really I have no excuse. Instead of trying to update you on all the insane progress Wear recycle has made, I'm going to update you on what will be happening.

Right now I'm living in Las Vegas. I moved into a house that will be going into foreclosure. I was offered the opportunity to stay in the house rent free until eviction occurs. My room mate is Amos Martinez. He is a chemical genius and is perfect to help with making the large 48"x60" prints for the Wear Recycle exhibition. That is the main goal while I'm here, has the printing of those photographs complete.

I'm trying to book the show at the Brett Wesley Gallery here in Las Vegas. Its a fantastic gallery that just feels right. I've met with Victoria, the curator so far, and will be showing Brett the sculptures hopefully soon. Cross your fingers that this show will be booked at Brett Wesley for some time next year.

The development for the paper: Amos and I have been testing adding acrylic to the paper to see if that makes it water proof and ready for the liquid emulsion and photo development chemicals. there has been some success in the acrylic. One of the problems that has occurred with the acrylic is that it sticks to the screen. In order to solve this problem I have decided to make the frames that will be presented in the exhibition so that when the paper is made it does not need to go through the process of being released from the screen. Having the frames stay with the paper creates strength and support for the paper during transportation and printing. The acrylic is definitely going to work for the water proofing. Right now I'm trying to decide what size wood I want the frames to be. I hadn't really considered what the final presentation was going to be so now I'm sitting on that decision. I also am not sure if I'm going to buy the wood or use salvage wood. Both are tempting for different reasons.

I am also working on smaller 2d Recycle Paper artworks so that I can have them for sale right now and sell them now. Rich Castro had been funding Wear Recycle over the past two years, but as of Aug 18th, I am responsible for funding it myself. It has been extremely difficult but my phone has not been shut off, I have been able to eat (sometimes only rice and beans), and I have not gotten stuck any where. I def have had to stress about the money, but some things keeps coming along right as I'm completely out of money. I've been lucky and I hope this luck continues.

San Francisco is the next location and I'm currently planning on making it there in mid Jan. I would like to have The Wear Recycle Poster Show; second series there in the Spring. At this time I already would like the large scale prints completed and ready for the exhibition and will be focusing on networking and understanding the Oakland and San Francisco art and music scenes while making the new work for the new Wear Recycle Poster Show.

As for the concept building. I'm still paying attention but I've become very private compared to months ago. I'm even kind of dating this guy and have not been really willing to share much info. I think its a reaction to how open I was earlier this year. Its likely this continues with my very bi-polar behavior and that in the future I will be emotionally stable enough to document my reactions again. The thought makes me cringe right now. I would love it if someone else would be willing to document there reactions. That would be amazing.

Wear Recycle is in the process of rewriting everything. We will be linking up with NARSAD for the "Sponsor a Researcher" program they offer. This will allow us to find a researcher that is studying childhood scripting. Ten percent of proceeds from the Wear Recycle exhibition will be going to the "Sponsor a Researcher" and we have a goal to raise $60,000 (check price) in the US exhibition to sponsor a beginning researcher.

There have been a few ongoing struggles during this Wear Recycle journey other than money. The two that have been most prevalent recently has been stabilizing myself during the instability of constantly in motion, moving, and not having a steady place to call home, and loneliness. Last week when after three weeks I had still not settled in my new location I became angry and experienced moments of strong anxiety in which I felt I was wasting my life. Now that I can work and the problem of getting settled is over, I realized how lonely it is traveling and never knowing when I'm going to leave. I haven't allowed myself (or can't afford) to rent out collaborative gallery space so I feel separated. I always have been very active and it sucks that I can't be, or haven't allowed myself to. I think this will be better when I have money to rent space even if I'll only be in a location for a short period. When it comes to people, because I'm not in anyone's routine I sometimes go days without anyone calling me. And why would anyone take me seriously in a dating situation. I'm just the girl that will leave. They expect me to break their hearts but really its usually the other way around. The loneliness in general has been really tough.

Ok now. I have to leave. That's the update. I don't have time to proofread right now so I hope its understandable. Don't know when I'll have wireless again. Thanks for following.

The Lows and the Highs

2010-07-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

I started crying again yesterday.... because I watched a dance class instead of participated.... and Rich and I fought about the cost of my phone bill, the extra start up fee cost that he didn't agree to, and me not paying last months so two months was owed. These are ridiculous reasons for me to cry. He wasn't being mean. I could have gotten up and danced in the class. My life is amazing right now.

But I'm self medicating myself. And its the only thing that keeps me from crying. But today it didn't stop it. Yesterday it did. I didn't smoke for 2 days before I started crying. I didn't mess around this time.

But I'm still crying this morning. I can't call Frank. I warned Crystal through a text. Rich left town so he's safe, but he still got yelled at yesterday. He came home when I was in tears. He took me to ice cream and offered anything I would have wanted to make me stop crying. Before agreeing to ice cream I wanted nothing but to curl up in a ball and have this world disappear. I was crying because I couldn't stop crying. And I'm scared.

Its completely opposite then the highs. In the highs my life is the most fascinating, encouraging, and mind blowing experience I could have. I love everyone and everything around me. I understand why people do what they do and I feel understood for the most part; and don't care if I'm not understood.

In the lows I can't stop crying. I'm embarrassed by myself, want to disappear, wish that I didn't need to depend on anyone, can't communicate in appropriate ways, and reach out to the closest people to me when its too late; I'm already exploding. Only in the lows do I think that the three people who emotionally effect me the most; Crystal, Rich, and Frank, hate me. Its completely ridiculous. I have no cause, but everything is they're fault; because I didn't feel loved by them? So then I'm embarrassed. I'm at a constant fear of falling back into those moments when I find myself snapping out at one of these three people. In the lows I walk on egg shells.

This time I reached out. I sent message to Crystal and I'm writing this blog. Its been a little less than 24 hours since the urge to cry was. Its been about 18 hours since I had my first tears. Maybe reaching out is helping. I'm starting to feel a little bit better.

All the while the only thing that puts a smile on my face is work. I think about my paper and my energy shifts. I plan shoots with Crystal and I just about jump out of my skin. If I could only be as satisfied with myself as I am with Wear Recycle and my photography, then life would truly be the best it could possibly be. I look forward to this day.

The Wear Recycle Poster Show; Seasons Las Vegas Description

2010-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

The great thing about working really closely with other people is that they can describe what's in my head better than I can. This was written today by Denise Savello of Verge Marketing Group.

The Wear Recycle Project is an event that infuses art, photography, and a psychological analysis of the human decision making process and how we as humans can change that process to move away from the scripting we learned as children. Come see the Wear Recycle Project at SPACE Studios on First Friday and enjoy BBQ! Visit SPACE all throughout July for a series of unforgettable Wear Recycle Events!

Intentions

2010-06-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

People's intentions do make a difference.

I've grown up believing certain behaviors are completely wrong and have hated everyone who even remotely acted in those ways. One behavior is lying. I hate liars. The hate comes from deep in the bottom of my gut. Every time I perceive someone as telling me a lie I see my brother's father in my head; hot fire comes up into my lungs and can be felt in the back of my neck. Even thinking about him and his lies right now is creating the feeling. It makes me want to vomit; it makes me confused.

What I have been doing over the years is assigning people as liars without considering misunderstanding, and without considering situation. I get a hunch that an individual is lying and I do everything I can to prove that they did. Once I've proved it in my own way I hate them for it. The problem with this is that I'm not acknowledging where it came from. I might be honest and blunt to the extreme, but do I need everyone around me to be like that? Can I not understand that there are different ways of living and that if someone's intentions are not to hurt anyone that this is not the same thing as someone who steals and lies about it, or makes promises with no intention to keep them.

In a recent fiery discussion I had with someone who has been victim to my emotional break downs regularly over the last many months, he challenged me by declaring the absurdity of expecting everyone to tell every thought that exists. He is right. I don't gain anything from being as open as I am. I lose a lot more than I gain. My honestly and bluntness comes from a desperate place. It comes from a place so afraid of being called a liar that I tell all. If I tell everything I'm thinking then no one can ever misunderstand me. It leaves me feeling confused because trying to explain every thought and question is seldom clear...only more confusing. I will never be able to fully explain myself because I'm always changing. No one will ever be able to understand me fully because they haven't lived my life.

I attempted to hide information that I knew a couple weeks ago. It only made me feel like a liar and I quickly admitted my knowledge but in a cowardly manner, via a facebook message. There is no win for anyone here. I felt completely torn up and wished I had never learned the information and he felt freaked out by me (a common occurrence). There was no reply. There was no confirmation of understanding or acceptance. I was left feeling both terrible for hiding the information, and even worse for sharing it.

I've talked about liars before in this blog. I've talked about my sensitivity to it and how it has come from two parts of my upbringing: many family members battling with pathological lying, and being called a liar my whole life about abuse that occurred from my brother's dad. What I haven't understood is how I'm judging people because of this.

I haven't really admitted this openly on many occasions but I don't trust anyone and am never surprised when I'm fucked over. Its allowed me to have a higher then average tolerance for bullshitters. Its also made it so that I expect everyone to eventually do something mean and hurtful to me. I never just let people be who they are and allow them to make mistakes or be absorbed in their own life without throwing it in their face in some way; without getting angry. If I'm hurt, I assume that the person responsible for the hurt intended that. I assume the person didn't consider my feelings or care if I became hurt. And of course, if the person tried to tell me that they didn't mean to hurt me I don't believe them. Its an all or nothing thing, completely truthful and honest or a liar. There is no in between.

But where is the balance? Is it really possible that everyone who hurts me intended to do so? No, this is absurd. Is it really possible that these people who hurt me don't care about me at all, probably not considering that the only people who can hurt me are the people who I feel closest to. So why can't I just accept people at face value and try not to make a puzzle over something that isn't my business. Why am I trying to prove to myself that they are liars if I know that the sensitivity comes from me. If someone canceled a road trip with me does it really matter if he canceled because he had agreed when he was broken up with his girlfriend and had then gotten back with her but told me it was because of another reason because he didn't want me to know? Is it really my business why he canceled?

Of course I'm completely conflicted. What am I trying to understand and where is the line drawn. Am I ridiculously trying to justify why someone I'm in love with lied so that I can hold onto thinking that the individual is a good person, or am I trying to understand why I'm so quick to assume that all people are bad? And if I know that I have such harsh issues with lying why haven't I been able to brake it down enough to stop my insecurity yet?

I talk about how there are major differences between breaking down paper to reconstruct and breaking down people, but why if I have broken down this lying thing down already can't I seem to get past it? Is it my gut telling me I should stay far away? Is it my fear trying to give me every reason to sabotage any possibility because I'm afraid of the possibilities? Or is it me just being crazy because I'm in desperate need of counseling and after 13 years of experience with it this is the first time I have not had access to it?

I don't know what I'm trying to convince myself of and I don't know how many times I'm going to have to break down this insecurity I have about lying before the pattern is broken. I don't know why I can't stop liking someone who will never love me the way I want him to (and who I push away). I don't know if I consider him a bad person even though he admitted his lie while justifying flirting with me while he had a girlfriend (but didn't). Is it my sensitivity that won't let me be understanding for the reason? Should life really be an all or nothing sort of existence? Is declaring him a liar my way of keeping a wall up? Or does it not matter that the intention was for no one to get hurt? Or was he not considering whether I would get hurt and therefore didn't consider how his actions might make me feel. Did he even think of me beyond the fact that we naturally are attracted to each other? Does all of this make him a bad person? Does all of it make me a bad person? Should I even hear him out for understanding? Why does he bother reading my explanations and responding? I don't understand how I can justify someone lying to me, but understand him for doing it. Do intentions matter and how can I trust someone explaining their intentions if they lied to me before? Why do I still care, at this point, I shouldn't?

Breaking down paper doesn't seem this complicated.

Turned Down by Ford

2010-05-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

This might seem like a bad thing, but I want to mention that this is the first major sponsor request done by the Wear Recycle team and I was confused as hell trying to fill in all of their questions. I would take this as a great thing for three reasons:

1. The first submission is always the hardest and often turned down

2. It seems I made a mistake because they wrote about the 120 day deadline. I put that the deadline for fundraising is the deadline for sponsorship. I think they wanted to know the date of the show.

3. It mentions when I submit again, which means I'm not disqualified to resubmit. I can keep submitting until we get this....which I'm damn persistent and will keep submitting until we do get it :)

Here's what I got sent to me.

May 9, 2010

Thank you for your recent inquiry asking Ford Motor Company to sponsor your event. Your proposal was submitted to our department for review. We sincerely appreciate the time and effort you took to share the opportunity with us.

As you can imagine, Ford Motor Company is contacted frequently with requests for sponsorships and donations. As much as we would love to support each and every request, unfortunately it is impossible to do so. Therefore, we regret to inform you that we will not be able to sponsor your event this time. All proposals are retained for future reference, should the company's needs change.

If you share another proposal with us in the future, please submit no less than 120 days in advance of the event start date.

We wish you well and the best of luck.

Best Wishes, Sponsorships/Alliances Ford Motor Company

Remember this, because in a future post I will be writing about how we got it!

Why Wear Recycle?

2010-05-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

There's a reason why Wear Recycle has to work. It's the only thing that makes me happy, it makes me smile. It speaks to my heart. It makes me believe that we can all live dreams. The only reason why I 'm in current emotional turmoil is because money could stop me from working on it. That thought brings tears to my eyes; it makes my stomach tighten and my chest throb. The thought makes my face hurt, and the back of my neck squeeze inward causing stress up into my ears. I deserve the funding because I'm putting everything I have into it; because its what I live for. I don't need a backup plan. Its not an option. Wear Recycle is my heart and soul. Its my home and its my love. I've giving up everything for it. I've turned my back to all rationality in order to accomplish this. Its my pride and joy, it my baby and my baby is original and genius.

If that's not enough to convince someone who has enough money to help produce it, I don't know what is.

Dodging and Burning

2010-05-03T03:29:00.001-07:00

After weeks of not being able to write, I struggle to understand an obsession.

When I started to realize the correlation between building and sculpting recycled paper and childhood/adolescent development in connection to adult interactions, I thought it to make perfect and easy sense to study my own reactions and compare them to the reactions I demonstrated in my journals from 2000-2003. The point of this was to interpret the patterns that have developed from my early development that still effect me in my adult relationships. This study was to allow further understanding of how the process of making paper effects the final sculpture.

In order to understand these patterns I documented the daily reactions I was experiencing via status updates on facebook. I did this for a month and a half. I tried not to think about whether what I was writing was embarrassing or right to anyone involved. For the most part, I stayed true to being nonjudgmental in terms of what was being written, while allowing my subconscious reactions to be the driving force. The backlash from my family was harsh and helped to create an uneasiness within.

One of the situations I had the strongest reactions to through out the experience was each time a family member called me a liar. I understood their desperation to get me to stop my analyzing; the truth, as it is with everyone, is that family is heavily involved in childhood and adolescent development and is usually the main source of patterns that have developed whether good or bad. They did not agree to be involved in my research and therefore were having their past violated by my own choice to relive it. Understanding and sympathizing with their desperation did not prevent me from entering a dark place emotionally.

I found myself questioning myself all over again, as I did within my past journals. I questioned my memories. I questioned my motives, was I really just trying to hurt them like they believe? I didn't think so but that didn't prevent the guilt from building up. After a month and a half of documenting all of the reactions that I noticed, I stopped. I couldn't handle putting so much of myself out there any more. I typically reveal much more than most people, but revealing every reaction including each one that I disapproved of left me feeling vulnerable and drained. People reacted to my reactions as if my world was tumbling, when the reaction might have lasted less than 30 seconds. I became defensive, fragile, and desperate myself.

I was being called a liar on average every 8 to 9 days. Sometimes bluntly and other times beating around the bush. I thought and hoped that me halting the documentation of my reactions would put an end to this. It didn't and weeks after I stopped my experiment my mom tried to convince me that every way I was going about Wear Recycle was wrong. She claimed I only attached a concept to the project because I didn't have confidence that the art work could stand by itself so I reached for attention in other ways, by throwing my family under the bus essentially. And by lying about my past that she claims never happened.

I broke during our last conversation. I didn't hang up like I usually do, I didn't demand that if I'm going to be called a liar for claiming my experiences then I was ending the conversation. This time I yelled back. I screamed over her, yelling my experiences that she's been running from. I told her everything a mother never wants to hear. I confronted her about the journals; telling her that when it comes down to it the reasons why she is so desperate to get me to stop is because she doesn't want to acknowledge her role in the abuse that took place. I didn't let her talk and I made myself heard. I yelled; she yelled; I yelled louder. The conversation lasted 2 1/2 hours before I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I'm not a liar and I'm not going to listen to you call me one," before hanging up the phone.

Something happened during that conversation. A wall was built. For the first time I don't care that I haven't really talked to my mom in over a month. I look back at the last 3 months and I realized that talking to her regularly was causing hardship. I never knew when she was going to engage in the conversation about my so called "lies" or "delusions". I haven't really written since that happened. I closed back up. I suddenly was pulled out of my 5 month writing period and was slightly in shock by how severe the reactions were. Suddenly, everything I had been confronting didn't matter anymore. I retreated back to living my life and couldn't look back to my recent explorations. I'm not sure if it was deep hurt, pure anger, or confusion but my ability to decipher the previous two months had shriveled up like an old piece of fruit. My attempts to understand the correlation between making paper and sculpting it got locked in a heavy box, right next to the abuse that haunted me for so many years, but never happened.

Today I decided I wasn't going to work. Instead, I took out my old photo albums and started scanning my high school photos. I became obsessed and spent the past 11 hours scanning, cropping, naming, and uploading photos. About half way through I realized that this was not just a personal activity, that there was something more to this. This activity of pulling out my photo albums and exposing more of myself to the public eye fit in some way to my life mission of understanding the relationship between people and paper.

As I continued to scan, it slowly dawned on me; I'm completely obsessed with documenting every part of my life so that I can prove its existence. I am constantly trying to find new ways to prove my experiences, and to understand what has happened and what hasn't. It explains my instant obsession with photography, and my writing, the art, video blogs, and social network dedication. I obsessively reread letters and text messages people send me as if I'll be able to memorize the conversation before deleting them. As if memorizing word for word is going to prove to me they exist. I've cut off phone conversations with certain people because verbal communication fails to have proof of its existence. I recently talked to Rich about tapping my phones so that when certain people call I can document it. That way when they tell me a conversation went a certain way I can find the real truth, not just each of our interpretations. If its documented no one can tell me it didn't happen a certain way, no one can tell me I didn't experience it.

Its become a life obsession that has driven my career choice. What is the truth? What is the interpretation? Its part of my texture. This obsession make me brittle as a sculptural material. It makes me fragile, uncomfortable, and disconnected as a person.

Ignoring Theory: Part II

2010-02-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

A couple people had mentioned something very important; there are positive behaviors that I demonstrate that have resulted from my feeling of being ignored when I was younger. Its also important to mention that I know I am not ignored now and if I am being ignored big deal, I should be able to move on and not care. What I'm talking about is when I feel ignored in situations, those reactions stem from feeling ignored when I was younger and have nothing to do with whether I'm really being ignored or not. Life is so much more complicated then believing that everyone who doesn't respond to me right away is ignoring me. I'm simplifying my concepts by relating reactions to specific experiences and only focusing on my own reaction and experience within the experiences.

I will focus on what Ashley wrote on facebook and what my mom and I talked about this morning.

Ashley Polikoff
Hey hey... Read your blog. You seemed a bit hard on yourself. We've always known that the main reason why you're such an amazing organizer and planner was your ability to be a leader. and everything about being a good leader is not getting people to ignore you. heh. i know I couldn't do it

There's a story I'm going to talk about, but I'll go more in depth in the near future in The Trials and Tribulations of Nicky Watts: http://nickywattsautobiography.blogspot.com.

When I went to The School of the Art Institute of Chicago in 2001 I had believed I had been approved for a loan. When I arrived in Chicago I was notified that my approval was not the case, I had been denied. This put me in a bind.

I got a job and my money situation was hard, but worked out just fine. It did not solve the problem of owing The Art Institute $3000 for the current semester. I went to every single office at the Art Institute 7th floor weekly. I was determined to find some one who would help me resolve the problem. When registration for the next semester came along I had a financial hold. I refused to leave the school. Eventually I found help. There are two major things that contributed to my success in this situation:

I didn't care how many times the people in those offices didn't listen to me and/or denied me, I was going to yell, kick, scream, and fight before they were going to be able to make me leave that school after moving across country with no money to attend it. I had no pride and didn't give a shit about being turned down. I was use to having to fight for what I needed and believed in. This was no different, they were going to have to listen to me. I was reacting on a survival level. I knew that if I had to go back to Massachusetts I was not going to survive it again; violence, drugs, alcohol, and depression would have eaten me alive. I didn't have it in me to live that life again. My only chance was to force these people to listen to me.

I bring up this situation because this is how I have treated my career. I'm determined damn it, and no one is going to be able to budge that. I don't care about pride, never have. Pride leads to failure as far as I'm concerned, not innovators, not geniuses. I'd rather be known for having determination and a willingness to do anything to accomplish my dreams then to have pride and hide who I am to the world.

Its because I refuse to be ignored that I'm a good leader. In my career this has helped me greatly. I have accomplished a lot for my age because of this behavior. These accomplishments show that there are good things that come out of everything, there are good things that came out of me feeling like my needs were ignored when I was growing up. I demand attention now and expect great things in my career because of it.

My mom and I had a conversation about this early in the day today and she talked about when I was a teenager and I was thrashing out and on drugs. She told me how people were saying that I needed to be in a facility, that I should be under custody of the state in rehab and a mental health institute. She told me how these people made her feel like she was being a bad mother because she thought it was best for me to have to deal with it myself. She said she knew I was strong, but that if she committed me that it would have taken that, she thought I wouldn't have survived it. She thought I would have died in there because I needed my independence, it was part of who I was.

This conversation made me think about two things: that independence is another good trait I gained from feeling ignored, but that also when I was a teenager, I thought I should have been through rehab.

Between the ages of 14-18 I was afraid of myself and how manic my actions were. But my mom is right, I learned to deal with anything surviving that fear and those panic attacks. That's really what my mom had to offer us, that we could do anything we wanted if we put our mind to it. That's a tough love lesson. There were many times I didn't think I was going to survive my teenage years. There were many times I tried not to survive my teenage years (tonight I will be starting a blog with my teenage journals), but in my survival I now know for a fact that I can conquer the world if I wanted to.

And though to me it felt like I was being ignored, its important to recognize that this is only my view of the story. Its what I was feeling at the time and my survival reaction; these things that I write are not the whole truth. Its much more complex than that. These things might make my mom look bad, she's not bad. We had a complicated life together, and I was nothing easy to handle. My mom is a remarkably strong woman who knew she couldn't offer a stable situation because she didn't have the funds to do so. The only thing she could offer her kids was to demonstrate that even when things are hard, like raising three kids on absolutely no money, that you could accomplish your dreams. She did this by going back to school. Though this decision helped to cause a lot of turmoil because it gave her a lot less time to divide between her three kids and husband, it has made it so she can be here for each of us now. She relied on us being independent. So it wasn't that she was ignoring us, it was because her belief was that she needed to teach us through demonstration. It was much harder for her to have to choose to go back to school and teach us in this way, then it was for us to have to survive that choice.

I also want to mention that I was a very difficult person to raise because of the severe demands I had. I expect a lot from people and always have. I expected a lot from my mom and when she couldn't deliver I went nuts, literally. If all of what I talk about seems hard to cope with, don't hate my mom for it, she was doing what she could with what she had. It was a lot harder for her to be dealing with me, I might accomplish a lot, but I am not an easy person to handle for extended periods of time. Everyone who has had to knows this. They still love me and I'm ok with it. Part of this Wear Recycle journey is to try and be a bit easier to handle in my personal relationships, to learn how to have successful personal relationships. So far I can only handle having work relationships. Luckily, people like to work with me ;)

The Ignored Theory

2010-02-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

Before explaining my theory in depth, I will admit that the problem I'm having with behaviors associated with being ignored as a child is that they're incrested in all my broken relationships. It shows up in constant conversations, in my career chose, and in my inability to have a verbal filter. I believe that being ignored in childhood is one of the top causes to why I can't allow people to get close to me. What I dislike the most about it is that I can witness myself behaving in ways that can immediately be linked back to being ignored, but I can't stop myself from demonstrating the behavior. Its as if I'm watching a movie that flash backs to the constant occurrences, but not in enough time to stop the irrationality of it.

I first discovered that I had an issue about being ignored on December 15, 2009. It was a couple days after our second and last night together, two days after his ex girlfriend drove by us. Frank and Crystal were recording in the studio that night. I needed to go to Kinkos to make some Wear Recycle copies for the silk screen process.

There are two Kinkos in the Toledo area that were possible options, one near Frank's house. I came up with a perfect fantasy of me quickly romancing Frank while I was in the area. He didn't seem to like this idea, but I didn't realize it until after. I thought it would make for a good recording session, but Crystal explained after that musicians need to be left alone on recording day. I had never been told this before.

I texted him when I was leaving to go to Kinkos, when I got there, and when I was leaving. I also texted Crystal a couple times with some questions I needed to know, and a couple other people. I was having an awful experience at Kinkos and I felt like I needed to have an outside source disconnect me from it. No one responded.

I became desperate. I'm not sure if it was the experience at Kinkos and the 7 16x20" transparencies that had to be chopped up in 8x10 portions because they didn't have any way to print that large on clear plastic, or it was that no one was responding, or maybe just that Frank wasn't responding. It could have been any of these factors but mainly I think it was the failure of my kinky romantic plan. The one thing I knew was that by the time I had started driving home I was in a partial panic attack. Tears swelled up dry and the other drivers were out to get me. Of course when I got lost I felt like I would never get back to Oak Harbor. I cursed my decision to go there, and I cursed my need for reassurance.

Then it dawned on me. during my Kinkos trip I pictured each person I had sent texts to looking at the screen of their phone, rolling their eyes in aggravation and annoyance, and choosing not to respond. That was it. That was why I continued to text people when they didn't respond, that was why I responded so aggressively. Some where in my mind I believed that they received the text and chose not to answer because they didn't think I deserved an answer. I take a lack of immediate response as someone's dislike for me, as if they wished I didn't exist to them. Some how I believed that if I continued to contact them that they would understand my need and respond and that would then confirm that they liked me. I didn't know any of this yet. I just continued to contact people as if they wanted my updates. As if they needed me as much as I needed them.

Once it dawned on me, I knew exactly where this came from. It came from calling my mom when I was at my brother's father's house in tears, him screaming in the background that he'd give me something to cry about and my mom at the other end telling me I only had one day left, two days left. It came from asking my mom to buy feminine hygiene products and her telling me she had no money but getting John McDonalds or House of Pizza later that night. It came from the school reporting me for trying to get emancipated from my violent fucked up house. It came from not being able to just say I needed something, I had to yell, beg, cry, and physically fight to get what I needed, to get attention, to get love. It came from not being taken care of and having no one listen when I told them. It came from having to make a scene and from not knowing how to communicate in any other way. It came from making myself sick in order to create a situation in which I got time with my mom, and It came from growing fucked up in a house where no one knew who was in charge, and really no one was.

I knew at that moment that this was the deepest discovery about myself I had made thus far. That if this was the only discovery I made in Ohio then it made my trip worth it. I didn't understand how deep it touched my relationships, I still don't.

The internal feelings that existed when I was in what I will call an ignored moment didn't go away after this discovery. I was still panicked the whole ride home. I was disgusted by people. I wrote in my journal when I got home:

I suddenly feel forced and robbed at the same time. Suddenly the relationships I hold mean a completely different thing. I suddenly don't really want anything to do with people. I've been holding my tears in because Crystal was here, but I wanted nothing more then for her to leave. There's a really dark side attached to the idea of being ignored. I'm not sure how to move past it.

Its been months and I still don't know. Its created an internal turmoil in which I am disgusted by my reactions but I haven't learned how to prevent them. I notice them daily. When I was younger I often contemplated being mute. I yearned for the ability to keep quiet. I've felt like that a lot lately. I've become detached because of my own shame to my reactions. I keep wanting to be a robot, or emotionless. If I were maybe it would stop the sudden aggressive reactions I have when I feel my needs and desires are being ignored. If I couldn't feel then I wouldn't care if people were ignoring me. I wouldn't care if they were not dependable. I wouldn't care if they didn't know how to take care of me.

I know its silly. If I were a robot there would be no deep connections between paper and people, there would be no 15 hour work days, or nights of passion. I would be as plain Jane as they come. On the other hand, maybe I would like myself again.

I had realized a few days before this discovery that I have a tendency to throw fits. I'm very aware of these childish fits because my family has the same tendencies. I always believed I was immune to them because mine come out in different ways then my family's fits. My family's fits consist of stomping feet, making dirty faces, and pouting. My fits consist of not accepting an answer from someone, convincing them to do what I think they should do, what I think they would enjoy. This behavior was very evident in my relationship with Rich. Since the beginning I fought to get him to participate in social experiences.

Part of the problem with Rich was that he never really loved me for me. He was never willing to sacrifice his comfort to fill a void I needed. He never loved me enough. Instead of recognizing this at the beginning, I held onto what he did offer me and fought for what I needed. What this energy exchange resulted in was him always saying no to anything I wanted to do, and me always throwing a fit. It was part of our every day behavior. It made it so neither of us were ever really satisfied and after two years when the magic of a new relationship started to wear off, these fits easily shifted into constant bickering and fighting.

The fits that came from having to fight for what I needed in childhood, developed an unhealthy and unhappy pattern in my relationship to Rich. Instead of realizing Rich and I were incompatible early on, it allowed for me to be tolerant of a severe energy exchange between my partner and I that left us both drained and tired much of the time. Internally neither of us were truly happy, but because Rich was the most normal and stable provider I have ever experienced, I was unable to acknowledge the inevitable.

I'm not saying I regret my four year relationship with Rich, it was beautiful and I would ague that what we both learned in the last year about ourselves and what we need and want will be valued for life. What I am asking is that at what point does someone who has been used to turmoil and being ignored learn what it means to receive what is needed easily and be happy with that. At what point do I recognize that someone is not going to love me in the way that I need and accept it and discontinue the need for them instead of always trying and force them to give me what I need. At what point will I be able to just accept people for who they are?

The inability for me to be able to accept others the way that they are and allow someone to accept me the way I am is the texture I talk about in the paper. It's because of the experience of being ignored that the sculptures fall apart. That my relationships are more brittle then others because I have failed to learn how to actually be there for someone. I have failed to learn how to accept support with out resenting the person who's supporting me. I have learned to only develop relationships with people I work with and to push away anyone who just wants to be my friend so that at no point do I have to be relied on by others, I'm protected by my work. All of these are ways I have learned to get what I need out of a relationship without letting people get to close to me. Its the ways in which I have developed a large pool of friends, but why I never feel 100% connected to anyone.

The textured sculpture is built in complex layers that form into each other, some fuze into one and other separate. These experiences of being ignored stop me from engaging people on a level that satisfies me. I'm happy while I communicate face to face, but once that interaction ends I never really accept those interactions as appreciating me or loving me. I'm in constant need of reassurance because the interactions are never allowed to reach me on a soul level and stay. I need need need need and those demands are to much for people to fill. I need to learn how to fill it myself and be happy with the wonderful people I meet. I need to accept that they love me.

The difference between a sculpture and people is that with a sculpture I can try again. I can start over and the sculpture won't hold anything against me, its a clean slate. That doesn't exist in people because everyone else is also dealing with their internal reactions from past experiences. It's not often that we get renewed chances with people, once we've pushed the relationship to far, it often crumbles. Few people are willing to accept each individual's blame in the situation and move forward equally renewed and accepted. Few people are able to rebuild.

Sacrifice, Dedication, and Selfishness

2010-02-09T12:50:00.001-08:00

What does it really mean to choose to be an artist; not willing to work just any job, completely depend on others, financial and emotional instability and no proper home. To know that the people around you are helping you because they feel bad rather than being as devoted to your work as you are?

When was the last time you have not been able to take care of yourself? Its been two and a half years for me since I went full time with Nicky Watts Studios. Nine months since I went full time with Wear Recycle. At least before I chose to focus on Wear Recycle I was completing photo work. A few hundred dollars here and there wasn't enough at that point, but its been a long time since I've seen any consistent money. For the first time in my life I have bill collectors calling. I have more calls from them then I do friends. There's nothing lonelier than being down, having the phone ring, jumping up and getting excited thinking about who it might be, and then seeing....District of Columbia...No Caller ID....Arizona Number....Washington Number.....Blocked Caller.... and having 4-6 voice mails left a day, automated mainly. It makes me feel like I've been failing, even though I see all this progress. The US system is built around who can pay they're bills, and trying to convince all of us who can't to promise a payment when we have no idea how that's going to work out.

I keep explaining my situation over and over again. I tell them about my show in Chicago, and updating my sponsorship packet. And how I have $90,000 in sponsors, but that they're all service sponsors. My mom gave me a hundred dollars for Christmas and I found $50 in my bank account that I didn't know about. We sold about $200 worth of merchandise posters at the reception and I'll get about $130ish when I return to Chicago. I got the ok for a commission, but the deposit goes directly to costs and I have to finish the work before the check comes. Its all Nicky Watts Studios money anyways. My licenses are up and I haven't paid taxes, so they go first. My lawyer fees are due or else I'll loose my lawyer. The business credit card is behind four months so the minimum payment is over $1000. There goes my salary. Pam gave me $50 a couple days ago that hoping to save that for emergencies. That's all I've received since December. Most people spend more than that in a few days.

I'm not meaning to complain but I guess that's part of the selfish decision to become an artist. Choose to devote my life to it then complain that I have nothing. I swear I'm an independent person, but I'm not proving anything. Today I got a call from Ohio. I'm under investigation for not residing in Ohio. They canceled my food stamps. Where do I reside? Its a question I've been trying to figure out for months now. I thought it was in Ohio but they're saying no.

So I have postcards, posters, programs, brochures, sponsor packets, a nice website, another website on the way, a possible clothing line with a company on the way, bookkeeping, international marketing campaign, all the printing I need, a videography company willing to make a video, video blogs, camera equipment, sculptures...tons of sculptures, but I can't eat. But I don't know where my home is, I have no car and no money to put into it for gas, I need to move my stuff across country and I have no means to do that, and I'm in Las Vegas now when I'm suppose to be living in Ohio.

This is all why my choosing to be an artist is selfish. Rich doesn't choose willingly to help me. Crystal didn't really want me there towards the end. Tony's afraid I'll have to ask him for money. These people feel obligated because they're nice people. They don't want to see what the alternatives are.

I feel deeply conflicted and uncomfortable with the position I put them in. It sort of makes me hate myself. It makes me hate that I didn't grow up knowing people with money who understand investing in their youth so that they have a strong back bone to start their business. It makes me hate growing up in the welfare system. I despise that I'm having to rely on food stamps now. How am I any different then my mom whose money choices I always disagreed with? Less then two years ago I had a 718 on my credit report. I had paid the one delinquent medical bill and was waiting for it to clear so I could get a business loan that would take me through 3 years of business. Then the recession came and the cards all dropped my limits. My score fell over 100 points. There goes my business loan.

_____________________

OK. I decided I needed a break so I watched the tv show Heroes. Its amazing how much that show influences my feelings and moods. I always feel inspired and rejuvinated.

In this episode Sylar and Peter were lost in Syler's brain. Parkman had trapped Sylar in there so that he wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. Peter took Parkman's ability to try and get Sylar out. Parkman had built a brick wall to physically trap Sylar in. They found the figurative wall that stood for this physical wall inside the dream world. For what seemed like years they beat sledge hammers up against it with no result.

Sylar was trying to change. He doesn't want to be the murderer he was prior. He had killed Peter's brother and after years of being together, alone, Peter was still angry. It wasn't until Peter had released that anger that the wall started to feel the effects of the sledge hammer.

If I don't forgive myself for growing up poor and not having an easy life, then the wall will not be able to be broken. I will not be able to become financially successful if I'm jealous and have hatred towards those that have money, or if I'm afraid people are going to take it all from me. No one can ever take away our experiences, no one can ever take away my success. I need to remember this. I guess we all do.

Developing the Concept of Wear Recycle; The Heart Digs Through a Journey in Time

2010-02-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

In order to understand Wear Recycle's deep connection between paper and people it is important to understand the journey that took place behind it. The digging and prying that occurred on a level deep enough to change me more than previous experiences have managed. The situation that allowed all the Wear Recycle connections and concepts to break through.

It started the day I left to Idaho Falls with Cristina Hlusak of The Theta Tree and My Life, both sponsors of Wear Recycle. I had little money, a lot of luggage, and I was naively leaving on a journey that would change my life. It was the end of September 2009.

Rich and I had broken up while I was in Colorado for Emma's wedding in August. We both wanted things to work out but he needed to regain my trust. The second portion of the wedding was in Massachusetts; I was not to see Rich for about two weeks after the break up.

We were not getting along and decided that I was to take a six week trip for Wear Recycle in order to give us some time for personal growth. We wanted desperately for it to work out. We had attended family therapy sessions for approximately eight months before the breakup, read books on how to bring romance back and how to understand your lover. Our ability to communicate our feelings became precise. We were beginning to really understand what we wanted as individuals. Maybe that was the problem that neither of us regret. We were also learning that we wanted different things at the same time that we wanted our relationship to work out.

Cristina and I left for Idaho three days late. Both of us were packing our belongings; her to rent out her house, and me to allow Rich to have as much space as possible. The trip was free spirited and though we were three days late to the Theta Healing classes, neither of us were willing to jeopardize ourselves by rushing. In Idaho I planned to cast Vianna Stibal, founder of Theta Healing. A good friend of mine from Massachusetts, Scottie, had moved right next to Idaho Falls a few years before, so I planned for him to take me to Salt Lake City to meet Rich for my twenty-seventh birthday on October 4th.

The night I was to cast Vianna, Cristina and I were running late again. After our arrival I started getting ready to perform the cast and realized I had left the plaster gauze back at the room Cristina and I rented. I was so embarrassed but Vianna laughed it off and motioned me to sit next to her. I sat between Vianna, the founder of Theta Healing, and Cristina, my Theta Healing adviser and teacher. The energy was warm and calmer than I have ever experienced before and since.

Vianna held my hand as she asked me questions. She asked me about Rich and whether I was in love. Considering that this journey I had started to embark was to discover that exact thing, I answered I didn't know. Quickly she commented, "well you better decide soon because you're about to meet another soul mate."

I wished she hadn't said that because it stayed in the back of my head. Things were so bad with me and Rich but we understood each other and we had tried so hard. Surely our attempts proved that we had a deep love and connection, but my trust was weak and our passion had left years prior. We struggled together even though our souls touched. This struggle continued to be evident when Scottie was unable to bring me to Salt Lake City. It was evident weeks later when we saw each other in Chicago, and it was suffocating in Ohio.

I flew from Salt Lake City to Chicago where I struggled to bring all my luggage around from place to place. I had the feeling of euphoria when I finally stepped foot on the Mega bus to meet Crystal in Toledo, Ohio. By then I had been on the road for over two weeks with two large bins, a box of Wear Recycle merchandise weighing about 70 lbs, a suitcase that only stands on its own when its close to empty, the green bag with all my camera and computer gear, my purse, and an old fashion metal push cart. All I wanted to do was get to a destination where I was not going to have to lug it all around anymore, and give Crystal a big hug.

The day after arriving we moved into a house that we were sitting for Luke. He had used his garage as a workshop and was more than happy to lend it out until January. I was only planning to be there until mid-November, at the most so, it was perfect.

I fell in love with the music of Toledo. Of course, Crystal and I met because of music and it continued to be something that brought us together. She sang for me and my events and I photographed her. It was a deal we have had for almost five years now. I wasn't there this time to photograph her, Crystal was giving me a safe place to work while I assisted with her son. Mainly I helped to keep the house cleaned up and give her nap breaks when needed. I'm not sure she got as much out of the deal as I did giving that I refused to watch him for gigs unless it was absolutely necessary. I wanted to attend every single show I could and in the three months I was there I only missed two.

I was completely in love with her on stage, as I always have been, but I quickly fell for her base player Frank too. Together they made love on stage. It was like an early relationship of awkward sexual energy and synergy. They played back and forth like a childish crush. I yearned to be up there with them, but loved to be able to witness the connection. Crystal had always warmed my heart, but together they showed me the true meaning of joy. Even in my darkest of moods, even if it were directed at either one of them, I wanted nothing more than to watch them make their love.

I'm not sure if I couldn't talk to Frank because Crystal had already told me I was going to want him, or if my own natural reaction was speechless. For the first four shows I had nothing to say. If I was looking for Crystal and Frank was in view I went the other direction. "I had nothing to say," when Crystal pointed out my reluctance to talk with him, that was my answer.

Needless to say on the forth day when Frank offered me a hug good bye I was star struck. I knew at that moment something powerful was going to happen between us, and I truly believe that Frank and I have known each other intimately in a past life. I knew that this was the person Vianna had talked about, though I would never admit that to Crystal or him. I have never reacted so foolishly to a hug and was mortified when I got into the car with Crystal. She knew right away and sent him a text that said, "you should fuck my friend Nicky, she needs it and wants you to." If that wasn't bad enough I was going to Chicago a couple days later to meet up with Rich and he was going to be coming back to Ohio.

I hadn't really admitted I liked Frank yet. Though I had admitted I wouldn't mind having sex with him, I was convinced that it didn't go any further. The more I thought of it the more repulsed I was by even wanting to have sex with him. Crystal and him had small history, not to mention he was in a rocky relationship, but a relationship none the less. I didn't want to get involved in any of the drama of it. Crystal on the other hand made it very hard to stop thinking about it. I admitted a sexual attraction, and denied to myself anything else.

Rich and I met up in Chicago and he chose to exercise instead of make love to me the first night we were together. I should have taking that as a sign, or at least recognized how hurt I was by it. I did neither and we made our way to Ohio.

This trip was a turning point in my thinking. I was starting to realize that I was a lot happier when Rich wasn't around. We fought four days out of the six days we were together. The energy was cut throat and Crystal left the house for a couple days to get away from it. We had sex once. It lacked the energy of lovers. When he left I felt empty, but not because I missed him, because something was wrong. In the two weeks that followed I lost nine pounds. I ate nothing.

A few days later I admitted I liked Frank more than I was willing to admit prior. I had this great idea that if him and I hung out without Crystal's sexual energy then we would be able to move past the attraction and be friends. I didn't want to like Frank. I was still holding onto the idea of working things out with Rich. this meeting between us never happened. We both knew it wasn't going to work out like I hoped, so when he canceled that night I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. None the less I understood.

A while after Rich's visit and my admitting I liked Frank, Frank was to come over and get casted with Crystal for Wear Recycle. It was my first cast with two people and I was so excited. Him and I rode together and talked about music the whole time. I could have listened to him for days about it. I hope to hear more of the music talk one day. I was braver with him then I have ever been before. I told him that I liked him and it was going to have to be up to him if anything were to happen between us. I was different around him then I have ever been. He gave me a confidence I had never had before. I was comfortable even though I was awkward, like it had already been said before.

When the cast was complete Crystal convinced him to stay to watch the movie Once. I was excited and demanded to sit in the middle. During the movie I was cold and Frank put his arm around me. The energy was intense. My feet were freezing so he placed them under his thigh. Then he took one by one and massaged them. Part of me felt like I was doing something wrong and the other part was loving every moment of it. Crystal acted natural.

After the movie Crystal convinced Frank to stay for a salad and tofu. We all talked and were giddy. We enjoyed the salad, though I was still not eating very much. As the salads finished Crystal quickly rushed to bed. Frank and I sat across the table talking for possibly hours. We talked about our current situations; I was trying to work things out with Rich and he was in a relationship he was very unhappy with. I admitted that this liking of mine had ruined my relationship with Rich but that I didn't know how yet. I was single, could do what I wanted, but I wasn't suppose to like someone. He admitted the liking was mutual. So we talked about why we weren't happy, life and sex. An awkward silence developed and I decided we needed to make a decision if something was going to happen and if we decided nothing was that he needed to leave. We decided he should leave. It wasn't an easy departure, our energy didn't want to let go. It was a clear choice to not make a move by both of us. Neither of us wanted anyone to get hurt.

I wrote out experience and went to bed feeling both nervous and overjoyed.

The next morning when I woke up the first thought that ran through my head was that I wasn't in love with Rich anymore. I hadn't thought this before and I knew it to be true. The gut wrenching feeling in my stomach I had been experiencing since he left only deepened. I walked out of my room and before Crystal could even ask me how things went with Frank I told her I was going to break up with Rich the next night. "I'm not in love with him anymore." I explained that it was because of the conversation Frank and I had that brought me to the conclusion, not my liking for Frank. I wasn't breaking up with Rich for Frank, that I knew.

When I realized I wasn't in love anymore I realized I hadn't been for a while. I realized that this lack of being in love was why I wasn't willing to change anymore for him. I wasn't willing to fight for the relationship anymore, so the fighting between us escalated. I'm pretty sure he felt the same way. If he hasn't discovered it yet, I'm pretty sure he will one day.

That was Monday, Idiot night. I didn't want to be all full of tears during my favorite gig and that's why I waited. I wished I hadn't though because all it did was make me sick with anticipation. Rich knew something was wrong because I avoided him. He sent me cute text after cute text to make up for it. It only made it worse.

Things were fine between Frank and I. Same as before, accept Frank and I were making plans for the weekend. We were planning to hang out since he was my only friend in Ohio and Crystal was leaving town for the weekend. I didn't think much of it, neither of us mentioned the night before.

When Crystal and I got into the car she told me he had broken up with his girlfriend earlier that day. I was in shock. She had told him I was breaking up with Rich the next night. He didn't do it for me, and I didn't do it for him. Neither of us expected the other person to make that move as well. It complicated things, but simplified it at the same time.

Once the breakup was finalized and I had a few days to adjust, I really just wanted to fuck the shit out of Frank. I told him exactly what I wanted him to do, and sparing the sexy heated details, we basically stuck to the plan. We had an amazing night and morning together, other than the worst pizza I have ever made. The connection we had that evening was deeper than any connection I had ever had in the past. We were kinky, honest, and uninhibited. We talked for hours. This was the beginning to my deep journey within. This was the last night before I started acting in ways that not only completely embarrass me, but proved to me that I was not ready to make such a deep connection with someone else. I was, however, ready to recognize some of my old family demons.

We talked all the next week. I demanded so much attention and got anxious if I didn't hear back. By the end of the week I was concerned that when ever I asked about hanging out again he didn't answer the question. I was hyper sensitive and mean a couple times. I questioned him on whether or not he wanted to see me again. I didn't understand. Part of it was that I was in the middle of no where and every hour felt like three, every day felt like four. The whole three months of being in Ohio felt like a year. Time was moving so slow, but not for him. He was in his element, with friends, work, freedom, and his own emotional experience.

I had began noticing there was a lot of behavior I was demonstrating that I didn't like. I was starting to go from really liking the new me, to noticing all these very impatient and childish behaviors that I hated. I was uncontrollable and Frank was taking the blunt end of it all. I didn't want to be a girlfriend, but I was demanding his every moment. I was infatuated and wanted him to talk to me all day and night. We hung out that next weekend, only after I thrashed out. I didn't want to sleep with him that night, but in a desperate way I threw myself on him both physically and figuratively. I needed to feel that connection again.

Sure enough, we had amazing sex and talked all night. He turns me into a romantic, even now. Something about my energy towards him is erratically passionate and obsessive, uncomfortable and shy. I want to write him love letters and compliment him. I want him to feel like he's the king of the world; he deserves this. Does this mean I'm in love with him? I don't know. Its just my natural reaction towards him. At no point did I understand why we couldn't fall completely in love and not be boyfriend/girlfriend. At no point did I understand a fear of falling in love with Frank. In fact, I was sure we would if giving any time to get to know each other; I was ok with that.

The morning after our second night together, Frank was dropping me off at Dane's truck. While driving his ex drove by us. Frank had an immediate emotional reaction that undermined the amazing time we had together. At that moment I knew they were not finished and I was the other woman. He still had to many feelings for her to make our romance possible. I didn't accept this.

For weeks we continued to talk. He claimed he wasn't interested in getting back with her. I don't think he lied to me, I think he lied to himself just like I had prior. She was showing up to his gigs and he was accepting her seduction. I was naive to believe he would have told me; all the while my gut was telling me. I couldn't get past the feeling of being the other woman and he started to ask me to lie about our experiences. This hurt me on as deep a level as I believe our souls touched. For weeks I was erratic and uncomfortable, unpleasant to be around and uncomfortable to talk to. My gut was twisting from either side. I didn't have the strength to fight it, but I continued to try. I'm not sure what I was fighting for. I hesitantly agreed to not tell her. I'm still mad at myself for going against something I so strongly believe in, honesty.

Now they're back together and I had to put "Has Girlfriend" in my phone to prevent me from calling him. It works ninety percent of the time. I've been told that she's trying to figure out who I am and that there might be a conflict if she figures it out. I just want things to be peaceful, but I continue to yearn for that deep connection. Its inappropriate. We can't be friends because of continued fantasies; its not fair for her that I feel these ways. I find myself waking up at night to see if he called. I haven't slept a full nights sleep since our passion was met. Of course he doesn't call. I feel stupid and ashamed for wanting him to.

Giving all of this you would think I hate him, or Toledo. On the contrary, I believe every reaction Frank had towards me was perfect. It is because of him solely that I discovered that the process of making recycled paper mirrored the process of growing up as children and adolescents. It was because of my harsh reactions toward him that I realized that every single reaction one has to a situation can be linked back to one's past and if recognized we have control over our current reactions. Like with recycled paper, the sculpture completely depends on the process that was used in making the paper; the developing process decides whether the sculpture will have lots of texture and be brittle, or have flexibility to grow large. It can always be broken back down and changed. We can all choose to change if we're willing to break ourselves apart and understand where our reactions come from.

What I discovered from my experience with Frank is that if I observe my reactions and pinpoint what childhood situation it most mirrors, I can choose how it is I want to react. I don't have to let my past decide who I am in my future.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T12:41:00.001-08:00

From the Wear Recycle team!

New Wear Recycle Poster Show Description

2009-12-14T20:39:00.000-08:00

Wear Recycle comes to Chicago in the form of The Wear Recycle Poster Show. This special edition collection of hand printed silkscreen posters are designed by Catherine Savello and produced by Nicky Watts Studios. Wear Recycle is an ambitious project which explores our relationships to one another through the relative comparison of using recycled paper as a sculptural means. Nicky Watts works as producer, sculptor, photographer, and anthropological researcher. Watts documents the interactions between relative individuals that she meets along her journey in order to develop a correlation between human interaction and the many processes of making and building sculptures with recycled paper. Wear Recycle will finish with the publication of a book following the project through the US, Italy, Brazil, the Philippines, India and promises to be an internationally represented conceptual art phenomenon.

Attending the artist talk will be very beneficial to understanding the artist's point of view and international intentions. Tickets for a private dinner with the artist on January 30th are available at the gallery.

Written by: Kim Leja and Nicky Watts

Wear Recycle Poster Show

2009-12-05T15:07:00.001-08:00

Oh Yeah! Wear Recycle's first exhibition!

Video Blog #7: Ohio Part I

2009-12-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

Filmed by Nicky Watts and Friends
Edited by Rich Castro
Music by Willie Nelson

Video Blog #6: Chicago Part 5

2009-11-26T14:13:00.001-08:00

Nicky Watts Studios production
Edited by Rich Castro
Filmed by Nicky and friends

Video Blog #5: Chicago Part 4

2009-11-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

Nicky Watts Studios production
Edited by Rich Castro
Filmed by Nicky and friends

Rich Castro: Cinimatographer, Documentary Photographer, and Financial Supporter

2009-11-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Here's the 2nd:

Rich Castro: AKA the love of my life, has been the number one sponsor of Wear Recycle and Nicky Watts Studios in general. It is only because of him that I have been able to focus solely on Wear Recycle. Rich has paid my portion of the rent, allowed me to take over our whole apartment, paid my phone, gave me allowance, utilities, and any extra money I have needed along the way. I'm not sure how much we're up to, but Rich has def taken the cake for being my biggest financial supporter.

Aside from financially supporting Wear Recycle, Rich has also made documentary type videos, documentary photography, is in the middle of making an actual documentary on Wear Recycle, and has been editing the awful footage I have been sending into wonderfully entertaining clips.

Not only will Rich always have a large chunk of my heart, he will also be a big reason why Wear Recycle succeeds. His understanding and patience has been a blessing.

Thank you Rich. I love you.

Patricia Blauvelt: Wear Recycle Literary writer/editor

2009-11-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

There are two people I want to send out special thanks to. This is the first of them.

Tricia Blauvelt has been assisting in writing the Wear Recycle descriptions and bios; everything since the beginning. We didn't formally discuss her being a sponsor until later on in the project but she has been one of the bigger supporters of Wear Recycle.

I want to fully admit, that in my misunderstanding of crediting writing, I have done an awful job at making sure everyone knew that Tricia was responsible for the material, but she is.

She obviously isn't writing the blogs or else they would sound a whole lot better, but she has been really vital in simply describing the complex ideas of Wear Recycle.

Here's a special thanks Tric! Well appreciated.

Video Blog #4: Chicago Part 3

2009-11-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

Note: Emmit doesn't really have anything against Ohio people, it was sarcasm.

Nicky Watts Studios production
Edited by Rich Castro
Filmed by Nicky Watts and friends

Video Blog #3: Chicago Part 2

2009-11-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

Nicky Watts Studios production
Edited by Rich Castro
Filmed by Nicky and friends

Thanks Rich!

Video Blog #2: Chicago Part I

2009-11-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

Hah!

Wear Recycle travels! Video blog #1

2009-11-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

Wow! It has been a crazy 7 weeks.

For those of you who are not following me on Facebook, I have traveled to Idaho Falls with Cristina Hlusak from The Theta Tree and My Life TV to cast Vianna Stibal.....An amazing experience. Rich Castro, my biggest sponsor, love of my life, and cinematographer for Wear Recycle came out to Idaho Falls to film me casting Vianna for a feature he's producing. We then drove to Salt Lake City where we departed.

I took a plane from Salt Lake City to Chicago with an indecent amount of luggage with the hopes that I would be able to catch up in sculpture building and paper making in Ohio.

For most of the way I took video! Poor Rich has been editing the raw, bumpy, and scattered footage that I gave him to provide all of you with a video blog documenting the trip. I must say though, the funniest moments have been missed....like all of my luggage toppling over across Broadway near Belmont in Chicago, and my 70lb box of merchandise causing us to take off late, and me introducing myself to the whole plane to ease my discomfort and embarrassment over the package. I will write in detail about these experiences soon. Until then, here are some videos.

Wear Recycle video blog #1

$70,000 Goal!

2009-09-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

I havent posted for a while, but the $70,000 goal that ended two Tuesdays ago was met. I haven' announced everything because I'm waiting for some numbers to come in, but it was met! Hurray.

I have now set a goal to raise $150,000 in the next 90 days. I'll need help with this for sure!

Valarie Zwahlen: Hair Stylist Sponsor: $3,150/ $11,350 to go!

2009-09-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

Valarie and I were talking last night about Wear Recycle. We were discussing everyone who has been involved in the development of Wear Recycle and realized that some of the most important sponsors never came out and said that they were sponsors, they just contributed hours and hours of their time and/or and much of their creative juices.

The next few blogs will be recognizing these people for the work they did by including them as service sponsors. These people and organizations don't necessarily know that they are sponsors, but I believe they are the sweetest type of sponsors. Many of these people believed in Wear Recycle before I even remotely knew how big it was to be. They believed in it, and they believed in me. This is my thank you to them.

Valarie Zwahlen has created the hair in the five shoots we have shot. She spent money and many, many hours perfecting her art so that it might fuze with my art. She did a great job in each and every shoot. Thank you Val!

You can find some of her work on Model Mayhem

http://www.modelmayhem.com/801287

And of course where she recreates my awesome hair everytime I go to see her at:

Regis Salon in the Galleria Mall
Henderson, NV

I always love what she does with my hair. I encourage everyone who is not satisfied with their stylist to go see her.

Kyana Holzman to Host Wear Recycle in San Francisco: $2000/$14,500 to go!

2009-09-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

Yup! San Francisco is going to be a Wear Recycle happening place. I'm pretty excited! And I won't just be staying with anyone, Kyana and her husband run a tattoo and DIY shop. I'll be working in a warehouse named Vulcan in Oakland, Ca. Exciting!

Check out Kyana's sites:

Store:
Tribus Vivas Dermafilia
3382 18th st
San Francisco, ca 94110

www.dermafiliasf.com
myspace.com/tribusvivas

Check it out.

Kathy Clements to Host Wear Recycle: $2000, $16,500 to go!

2009-09-08T14:17:00.000-07:00

Kathy Clements in Tennessee will also be hosting Wear Recycle for 3 weeks!

Brad Quintel to Host Wear Recycle: $2000/ $18,500 left!

2009-09-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

I will be staying in Troy, New York for three weeks with DY Brad.

Goal will be to make some casts, finish the sculptures, and photograph them during my visit.

Hurray! Thanks Brad

New Sponsor! Just Ask Mary: $5,000/ $20,500 to go!

2009-09-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

Just Ask Mary loccated in the Las Vegas area has sponsored Wear Recycle with $5,000 worth of bookkeeping services. Hurray Hurray! This is a very well needed service to keep me out of trouble.

More info and logo to come.

Casting Keenan

2009-08-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

Casting Video!

Video by: Rich Castro
Model: Keenan

Zappos.com gets casted!

2009-08-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

After twittering Tony Hsieh about 7 times...though I've been known to say 15 ;), I received a response.

Since that response I went to the Zappos.com building and got a tour. What a great energy that exists in there. They also offered some books that I'm really excited about. I grabbed:

The 4-Hour Work Week: Timothy Ferriss
The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom: Jonathan Haidt and
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

I'm really excited about reading these once I have finished the two books I'm reading now: The Theta Tree: Vianna Stibal and The Soul of Money: Lynn Twist

A week after visiting the location, I went there on a Tuesday morning and casted 20 people. Tony was the first of the 20. Here's a fun video they made about it:

The day was long, but the people were great. So Zappos was officially my biggest day of casting! I look forward to a nice laid back happy hour with them before the shoot.

Sponsor: The Pazi Family: Housing and Workspace covered in Brazil: $5,500/$25,500 to go!

2009-08-14T13:26:00.000-07:00

Alright! Here is a big one because this is the first major step that will be taking me to Brazil!

I have known the Pazi family since I was in 2nd grade. Amanda has been my best friend since. We haven't always been super close in terms of talking regularly, but she is the first best friend I have and when we see each other it is like no years have separated us.

Amanda and I have talked about moving close to each other for a while so that we can get to know each other again. Though are bond is still strong, we have lived in different states both physically and states of mind now for about 10 years. So when I was planning my countries, I knew Brazil had to be one of them.

A few months after deciding Brazil was going to be a part of Wear Recycle, Amanda told me she was going to be moving there. Her and I have been in communication through letters and a little facebook since her move to Brazil, but I was still didn't have a solid ground on what was going to happen and if her family was willing to keep me there for the long 5 months that I would be there.

So I started calling her family here in US to find out details. When I finally got a hold of Paulo he asked me what I needed. I told him two rooms, one to live in and one to work in. He said I had nothing to worry about and he'll talk with Amanda to see what house she wanted to be in. I guess there's a beach house and another one in another city.

I'm really excited! I had budgeted that I was def going to need to rent some work space, but also assuming I would be paying some rent. This is a big chunk out of the technical costs for my travel to Brazil.

I will meet with Paulo in Massachusetts at the end of August and we will talk more details about everything. And he's going to teach me how to make their incredible rice and beans that I grew up eating. Yummmm Yumm. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

OK. Well thanks for checking in. I will be starting a video blog soon.

Sponsor: Verge Marketing Group: $17,000 branding campaign/$31,000 to go

2009-08-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Alright! Or next sponsor is Verge Marketing Group. I have now been working with Catherine for a few weeks on this branding campaign and she is a doll to work with. First off, she has produced some kick ass work, but also she is just so easy to work with.

So what will be worked on with Catherine and her partner at Verge is:

logo
brochure
website
2-3 posters
Postcard
Approx. 20 designs for clothing: I'm going to design the shapes and she's going to design prints and what not for them: Wear Recycle clothing line!
They're going to help organize Wear Recycle events (estimated @ 20 hours) and
a print add for the Italy Toni Robbins seminar

This is all very exciting. Like I said, Catherine has been great. She has already completed the logo (which I will upload in a few posts since I want it to all go in order as when it happened).

You can find Verge Marketing Group at:

www.vergemarketinggroup.com

Thanks for reading. :)

Sponsor: The Theta Tree and My Life TV: $20,000 marketing campaign/ $48,000 to go

2009-08-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

We have had a few sponsors since my last update, and I will announce them all today, but in separate posts.

The first is The Theta Tree and My Life TV.

This two companies work closely together, but span over Europe and Asia, and newly The United States.

They are international publishing companies that produce self help material. They represent Vianna Stibal, the discoverer of Theta Healing, and many more.

These two companies are publishing Wear Recycle material inside the seminar material that they hand out in Italy, Hong Kong, Romania, and India. They will also be making some translations of the Wear Recycle website.

Cristina, who is the contact, is an amazing woman. She travels around the whole world meeting people and introducing them to peaceful ways of life. She has a glow to her that is recognizable immediately. She also really loves Wear Recycle and has been wonderful in connecting Wear Recycle with media sources. Her activity is a real treasure in the success of Wear Recycle.

You can find her at:

www.thethetatree.com and
http://mylifetv.it

Thanks for reading. :)

First Sponsor $2000/$68,000 to go

2009-07-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

The first official sponsor is.....

The Arias Group.

Kristina Arias is an incredibly beautiful and warm spirited person. I have truly been granted something special in meeting her, and not just because she sponsored Wear Recycle, though that is some tasty frosting on the cake. Kristina is quite a tough lady, and great at what she does. Thanks Kristina.

Kristina Arias
www.ariasadvantage.com

The best realty group in Mesa, Arizona!

Wear Recycle blog all updated

2009-07-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

I transferred all the Wear Recycle posts from The Adventures of Nicky Watts into here so this is now the primary blog source for Wear Recycle. I will try to make it less words and more fun photos and video. No guarantees.

Thanks for reading :)

Nicky

6-23-09 Wear Recycle Final Description

2009-07-01T01:38:00.000-07:00

OK. I had allowed myself to get distracted the last couple months, but in the last two weeks I have regained momentum.

I have refocused and cut out all the distractions that were getting in my way! Last week I started asking for money for Wear Recycle. My mission: $70,000 in three months. Then another $80,000 three months after that. Exhausting yes, but I know what the mission of Wear Recycle is now. Here's the description, it will explain a lot.

Description

Wear Recycle is a series of international art exhibits that utilize recycled paper as a medium to explore the interconnectedness of relationships. Through constructing sculptures with recycled paper that are photographed in a style that mirrors fashion photography, Wear Recycle brings celebrity, art and everyday people together to encourage responsible reuse of wasteful material.

Each sculpture begins with a cast of a participant’s body part and is later adjoined with a sculpture built of recycled paper. The process of casting crosses intimate physical boundaries and thus allows for organic communication to exist between Watts and her selected participants.

Watts independently builds each sculpture and connects sculpture with participant for the purpose of a photo shoot. In each country a local make up artist and hair stylist is hired in order to create a secondary opportunity to observe the development of human communication through extended work relationships.

Wear Recycle consists of six exhibits. Five of the exhibits will be in five different countries and include approximately twenty photographs printed on recycled paper and the associated sculpted work encased in custom plexi-glass cases. The final exhibition will showcase work from each of the previous shows and will coincide with the publication of a multi-lingual book showcasing the art and describing Watts’ experiences with her participants, teams, and the art itself.

The countries and the dates of their exhibitions are:
• United States: January 2010
• Brazil: November 2010
• Philippines: Aug 2011
• India: May 2012
• Italy: February 2013
• Closing Exhibition and book publication: February 2014

Watts is currently seeking sponsorship. Attached is a breakdown of how you can benefit from your sponsorship, as well as what finances are needed to successfully complete Wear Recycle. Contact Watts at 702-416-6558 for more information.

Written by: Trisha Blauvelt

This description was written by Trisha Blauvelt. She has been incredibly amazing in the conceptual development of Wear Recycle. Everything that has been written for Wear Recycle has been either written by her or written by me and edited by her. She is amazing.

This and the whole sponsorship letter took me a very long time to create, but it just went in for its second print phase today. I'm really excited!

I have received the first sponsor of $2000 from Kristina Arias. Once her logo is in hand I will make a post about her, but I have to reconnect with her. She is amazing, let me just tell you! Well, I don't want to spoil it all before her post, but she really is a warm spirit. Her website is www.AriasAdvantage.com.

More happy news, Nicky Watts Studios' new website is very close to completion and the first page will go right to Wear Recycle! Exciting I know.

OK. Its 1:54 in the morning and I'm exhausted, I promise to update more often. Thanks for reading.

Nicky

PS here are some photos I took yesterday:

They came out awesome!

4-16-09 Pharoah Najm: Wear Recycle Pirate

2009-07-01T01:37:00.000-07:00

Val, Sam and I were trying to come up with new ways to work together because we felt that we were working in a disconnected fashion and it was obvious with the outcome of the shoots. The best way for each of us to be able to push our creativity but to still flow together was to start building themes for the shoots.

We decided to re-shoot Pharoah because the disconnect really affected the shoot we did we him prior. His sculpture seemed to have developed a pirate theme on its own, but when Pharoah wore it the stereo-type look of a pirate just seemed to fuse together. When Pharoah told me that he had dreaded his hair, I knew it was meant to be.

So here are the photos from Pharoah's shoot: our first of many themed shoots.

I think this one should be a Captain Morgans advertisement

Photographer: Nicky Watts
Sculptor: Nicky Watts
Model: Pharoah Kajm
Hair: Valarie Zwahlen
Make Up: Samantha Henrikson
Location: The Village Pub, Las Vegas
Sunset and Eastern Location
Stylist: Nicky Watts
Leather Jacket: Juicy Couture $850.00
Striped Dress Shirt: Louis Vuitton $450.00
Knickers: Elie Tahari $248.00
Leather Bracelet: Juicy Couture $55.00
Silver Band Bracelet: Elie Tahari $298.00
Man Bag: Cultural Design made in
Ixtahuacan, Guatemala

3-10-09 Bake Sale for Wear Recycle

2009-07-01T01:36:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I will be having a bake sale at Third Thursday to help pay for my Wear Recycle project.

You can find info on the project at nickywatts.blogspot.com. There is scattered info on it through out the blog, so feel free to look through past months for a thorough understanding of the project.

The money will go directly to:

-paying the hair and makeup artists who have been doing a great job on the photo shoots

-getting the 8X10 negatives printed on large pieces of recycled paper (this needs to be experimented with to see what will be most successful. Right now I'm looking at digital printing and liquid emulsion.)

-Plexi-glass boxes for the presentation of the sculptures

-and frames for the recycled paper 8x10 prints

Right now I am taking pre-orders for loaves of bread. For those of you who were at Sharon's studio for her 1 yr anniversary, you tried the carrot/zucchini bread (it was yummy).

It is $5 per loaf and the chooses are:

carrot and zucchini
carrot
zucchini
and banana

At the bake sale I will also have

Milk Chocolate Fudge with almonds (Great-Gramma Watts' recipe updated)

A Dark Chocolate with Cinnamon and Cumin (Great-Gramma Watts' recipe updated)

Peanut butter cookies (Great-Gramma Watts' recipe)

Toll House Squares (Great-Gramma Watts' stolen from old Toll house ;))

Rice Crispie Treats

Brownies (Great-Gramma Watts' recipe from scratch!)

There will also be the above breads available per slice. and Ann Petit from Suede Studios will be making some Vegas chooses.

I'm sure I will come up with more by then, but this is what is on the list so far. Just send me an email if you want to pre-order anything.

I can also take pre-orders for batter if you want to get a whole batch of something. I have been experimenting with freezing batter and so far every thing I've tested has turned out great. I haven't tested the bread batters though, so I wouldn't recommend me freezing you some of that because I can't be sure it will come out "Watts quality" ;).

The Make Up Artist has mentioned making some key lime pie too, so that just might be in the line up too. ;)

send any bake sale requests to

nicky@nickywatts.com
or give me a call: 702-416-6558

2-18-09 Shoot #3 revised

2009-07-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

Since the ball was rolling I figured I 'd let it roll:

When I orginally edited these photos I hated them. They looked so fake. I was very depressed about them. So I have reedited. They're still not the best in the series, but at least they don't look completely fake anymore.

Now I'm exhausted and am going to bed. Good night.

2-17-09 Wear Recycle shoot #4

2009-07-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

So here they are, finally.

Much has happened since we shot these. I was out of town for 3 weeks (I was able to cast 10 casts while away) and I have had non stop editing for paying jobs every time my feet have been on the ground (this is very good).

Don't get me wrong, I have Brittany Peltier's portfolio to design and a few photos to make last minute adjustments on, but after about 5 days...or more now...of nonstop editing of interior decorating graphs, I thought it was appropiate to take a day off.

Today I focused on Wear Recycle. I rearranged my studio so that I can work on both sides of one of the work tables allowing me to have 8 casts set up to be built at once! This is great since I can only work on one at a time.

During 20 minute break increments the last few days, I have been jumping over to the building table to work on the casts. As of right now, one of them is finished, one of them might be but I need to leave it over night to dry before confirming that, another one is close but not there yet, and three more have had either the first or second layers added to them.

Today I worked my butt off editing these photos. They are not perfect, but they are where they are going to be for now. If anyone hasn't noticed yet, I am a person that likes to revise my photos. I'm like that with everything for the most part. The third shoot of Wear Recycle is in desperate need of a reedit. I did an awful job on Brittany's skin.

Well, here are the new ones.

Here's the team:

Photographer/Sculptor:
Nicky Watts
Model:
Malika Iskandarova
Pharoah Najm
Make Up Artist:
Samantha Henrikson
Hair Stylist:
Valarie Zwahlen
Assistant:
Ann Pettit

Hurray Hurray.. Moving forward one step at a time!

I also want to thank Ann Pettit of Suede Studios who was kind enough to help me make some paper a couple weeks ago. Yesterday, I brought the paper up from the garage where it was drying and it looks great. Its very thick and has spectacular texture.

I almost forgot to mention I was able to get tickets to Le Femme at the MGM for Saturday night. I was giving 4 of them..One for me, Rich, VAL, and SAM! Finally they get a little something for all there efforts. They are great and deserve every minute of it.

2-16-09 Wear Recycle moving...but slow

2009-07-01T01:32:00.000-07:00

This will be short because I have a whole lot of work to do.....but....

I have been working on Wear Recycle sculptures during breaks from editing (I can only usually work on one for no more than 20 minutes before its too fragile to continue) and I am just about finished with three. This is exciting because the development of Wear Recycle has been fast, but to actually show progress has not. YEAH again!

I can't move on with developing Brittany Peltier's portfolio until I get a return email, so I am going to work on some edits from our last shoot right now. Its about time.

Thanks for following.

1-16-09 Wear Recycle makes shot of the week on Melissa Rodwell's blog!

2009-07-01T01:31:00.001-07:00

Melissa Rodwell is a photographer I have recently found that runs Fashion Photography Blog. Her work is incredible and the information she provides on her blog answers so many questions that beginning photographers have. Its a great resource.

She just started a shot of the week contest for her viewers to submit to.

I am proud to announce that I made the first ever shot of the week!

The photo that I had submitted was the first for Wear Recycle.

Photographer and sculptor: Nicky Watts
Location: Nicky Watts Studios, Las Vegas
Model: Zaya Kharkhuu
Make Up Artist: Samantha Henrikson
Hair Stylist: Valarie Zwahlen
Assistant: Jeannette Spradley

Thanks to Melissa for choosing my photo and also holding the contest.

Also thank you to the wonderful team that works with me on Wear Recycle. Without them this project would be a bust.

You can find the image and right up on:

http://fashionphotographyblog.com/2009/01/nicky-watts/

Melissa Rodwell's websites and blog are:

blog: fashionphotographyblog.com
Commercial website: www.melissarodwell.com
Art/exhibitions: www.melissarodwell.net

Hurray Hurray!

Here's the image that won:

1-16-09 Getting plastered in Hawaii

2009-07-01T01:29:00.000-07:00

I just returned from paradise last night and thank goodness its nice here in Vegas or else I might have reached a solid level of depression resulting from the departure of my new favorite place.

Hawaii proved to be nothing less than my vivid imagination predicted. Seeing my good friend Dan in his beach boy element added to the joy of the experience.

I want to thank Dan for both entertaining Rich and I while we vacationed, but for also helping me to advance Wear Recycle.

While in Maui I was able to cast 8 people! This included

Casted at the beach:

Dan Schultz's knee: elementary school art teacher and professional volley ball player for EVP

Grant Wistrom's hand in the sign of "Da Shocka": Stay at home dad

The top of Tom Thayer's foot: Sports Broadcaster for the Bears

Casted at Dan's house:

Sean Sultan's boxer brief view of his crotch: manager of Chrome Lotus in Lahaina

Sierra's hip: waitress at Moose McGillycuddy's restaurant in Lahaina

Jesse's neck and collar bones: body guard

The back of Melanie Van Duyn's neck: Office manager at Fed Ex

Lisa Joy's ankle heel and calf in a very awkward position: hair stylist in Canada
Lisa-Joy actually lives in Canada but was visiting Hawaii....so I nabbed her. ;)

Aside from this incredible work, our adventures were great. Rich and I actually hiked an 11 mile adventure through volcano Haleakala. This occurred on the night of the full moon. We started approximately 3:30pm and finished about 11pm. We had no flash lights, Rich's knees were giving out, and by the end I wanted to lay down and sleep on the jagged rocks, but we made it through! It was an amazing achievement that left me sore for days. The moon was incredible. We saw it peaking out of the mountain and watched it quickly expose itself to the quiet landscape.

We managed to hike 8 more miles in different parts of the island before we left; and Rich played 3 games of beach volleyball. We were in heaven.

You can see Rich's photos from the trip at flickr.com/photos/dickyc

1-5-09 Wear Recycle is going to Hawaii!

2009-07-01T01:28:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah!

I am going to Hawaii on Friday to make some casts....and explore of course.

Dan Schultz is going to talk to the administration at his school to see if I can cast them.

I'm hoping to get a full large group. Maybe everyone who works at one restaurant or something. Or a really large family. I don't know, we'll see how it goes.

Its getting crazy. I have casted 16 people now, shot 5 and have almost finished 1 more sculpture. I am in desperate need of recycled paper to continue. There are about 25 people on the list of future castees.

This is all exciting. I wish I could just do this all the time and not have to focus on starting my business too. Oh well, soon the beginning paper work and developing systems will be all set up and I will be able to focus more on making.

I hope Tricia will move here to help too. That would be great. Lets all send Tricia some warm thoughts about moving here.

1-4-09 Wear Recycle in the newspaper

2009-07-01T01:27:00.001-07:00

Las Vegas Sun (Home news, Henderson) published the article front page!

Congrats everyone involved in the project.

If you are interested, here are the links to the newspaper story and the slide show:

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2008/dec/30/reusing-arts-sake

www.lasvegassun.com/photos/galleries/2008/dec/30/reusing-arts-sake

Here's the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEL_k_n5XCo

Go to the Las Vegas Sun's YouTube site and comment on the video....so they know how much we love it!

Thanks to everyone involved, this is wonderful, thanks.

12-23-2008 Wear Recycle will be in the news casting Toni Thorburn

2009-07-01T01:25:00.000-07:00

I was interviewed from a reporter: Becky Bosshart with the Home News of Henderson. It was a riot. I want to thank Toni Thorburn who really put her neck out on the line to help me. There was a videographer named Evelio Contreras from the newspaper and a photographer whose card I happen to either loose or not get.....coincidence....jk. I don't think I got it and she was very nice.

Toni is the owner of Aspen Communications: IT work. It was a riot to see her engulfed in messy art materials, surprised by the process, and completely confused on why she agreed to do it in the first place other than just to help me. It was a riot.

Looking back it also allowed me to understand the project and why it is moving into a totally different direction than I originally thought with the fashion idea. Toni identified it perfectly when she told Evelio that she wasn't attached to the cast. That she was only doing it to help me.

Wear Recycle is about the relationship and curiosity that brings people together. While the actual casting process is taking place, a spark, closeness and connection happens. Its not about fashion, its about art, but more in the end. Its really about community and risk. About connection and collaboration. Its about what all the contributors/models/artists bring to it. This is an art project, but its as much of an outreach to people as it is about art. The process is art, the drive is art, but the experience is human. That's why the name will be changing. Wear Recycle doesn't define its purpose, it only defines its beginning. Toni was what developed this understanding; this idea that the people who I'm casting don't necessarily know what the point is, but something told them to become involved.....often me....but really I only ask and the model chooses to be intrigued or not. Toni's sarcasm and wonderful bluntness allowed for me to thoroughly know where to go and what she means in the project.

The model doesn't understand the relationship between the paper and these relationships that are made. They're not suppose to because they are not working with it. The models are left out of the fragility and development of the sculpture. In both processes I'm building something that starts, continues, and ends fragile and in the end I will have to communicate this to the models, and the viewers.

Toni's company deals with business technology solutions. Just like Toni didn't hide her lack of connection and understanding in art, I will be honest, I really have no idea what IT people do other than its a complicate job.

I know some of her services are:

protective back ups
wireless networking
Web hosting

really you should give her a call to find out more information about how to utilize her services. Then you get to experience her very wonderful personality...always a plus when hiring someone for a service or product. The company is local too!

Aspen Communications
Toni Thorburn
aspenbts.com
toni@aspenbts.com

Lets show Toni some support....I know that most of us businesses can utilize her services. I just remembered that she had mentioned something about a new law that fines businesses if they send any credit card info over the web without correct encoding. She can prevent this fine from happening!

To get on with the newspaper. It will be published in the Home News newspaper the first week of Jan...that's the hope, and they will try to plan it so that the video interview will also be online at the same time.

Becky found me through the Henderson Art Association blog

hendersonartassociation.blogspot.com

This is a new thing that HAA is doing to help promote artistic community here in the Las Vegas area. Go check it out, if you have anything to share speak up.

Did I forget to mention that Becky, the reporter is going to let me cast her. The list of people who want to do it has grown a lot. There are now 23 people who still need to get casted, 10 sculptures that need to be built or finished, and 5 people who have been photographed. YEAH.

Some bad news is that the 8x10 darkroom I was using closed down so I'm having problems developing the film now. I am two shoots backed up. It will all come together, but if anyone knows any Vegas darkroom available, please let me know.

Thanks for reading :) I'll publish the newspaper article when its available. Hopefully the video too.

Nicky

12-23-08 Casting Malbec in Los Angeles

2009-07-01T01:24:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Rich, our old roommate Tim from Chicago, and I drove to LA where we attended a Christmas party with a band named Malbec. Malbec is great. They have wicked hip music and are so creative when it comes to their videos and photos. I photographed them before when I went to LA with Rich.

This time the whole Malbec crew, excluding their manager let me cast them. It is huge because it they are the first people that did not have their heads casted. We casted Nick's upper back/shoulders, Mark's whole back while he was bending down touching his toes, Sam's shoulder to her elbow but she had it extended back and inverting and flexing, I don't know, it was weird, Sid's shoulders but more in the front and separate, and Pablos two forearm tops held in fists. They came out great and I'm really excited both to have alternative body parts other than heads, and 5 people. That's the most so far in one shoot. Exciting!

I just want to mention that I wore a crazy hootchie tight bright red jump suit with a candy cane print belt to their Christmas party. It was treacherous. Certainly a good laugh. I never meant to really wear that thing...

Here's a great video that Malbec just put out.

12-23-08 Ann Pettit, AIGA card, and Graphic West

2009-07-01T01:23:00.001-07:00

Last time I wrote I talked about an AIGA card. Until today I had not scanned the card, but here it is:

I wanted to scan it instead of put the original file because I'm so excited about them and the paper grain proves to me their existance. So there it is.

Here are people who helped with the success of the AIGA card.

Ann Petit from Suede Studios designed the card.

I met Ann soon after moving here at a Henderson Chamber of Commerce event. She has become a great friend... but most importantly for the purposes here, she is an excellent graphic designer, creative director, and visual consultant with over 25 years experience.

She is incredible. Her and I sat for hours making this card. Mostly I was like lets do this and that, and she was like "ah how about this", and I was like...."WOW that's amazing, I would never had thought of that". Over and over again for hours.
Then I went home to do some work and she spent more hours on it.

Related but unrelated: Not to mention she came to my rescue to assist when last minute I didn't have an assistant, and she's going to help make giant recycled paper (a pain in the butt process that makes this project go around). I want to send her a large big cuddly thanks, she def doesn't have the time to help with this project, but has squished me in when she can, and when she shouldn't have but I was desperate. Its all Well appreciated.

Here might be a good place to add that she also let me experiment on her with the cast. She was the first person to let me do it to them, not even my boyfriend would let me! For good reason, I hadn't perfected my skill yet and ripped out quite a bit of her hair. She was a trooper though. I have planned for her to be the next model photographed, 1st business owner to be photographed...exciting! So if I ever get to the editing for the last shoot then you will soon after see Ann's photos. They're going to be awesome.

I am hiring Ann to reconstruct everything visual for Nicky Watts Studios, including a new website, logo, business cards, a secret marketing idea that we developed, and more. I am so excited because she is so in tuned with all that stuff that I could care less to think about. I recommend you have her redo your business's public image as well. Its worth it.

Suede Studios
Ann Petit
www.suedestudio.com

After the event:
The company that sponsored the AIGA fundraiser that put this competition on, was kind enough to print us 100 cards and 25 posters. This greatly helped the Wear Recycle crew to get out the word, and to start feeling like all this hard work is worth something, recognition I guess you could say. I want to formally thank Graphics West for being the first sponsor of Wear Recycle! Thank you.

Graphics West
www.graphicswest.com
3901 Graphic Center Dr
Las Vegas, NV 89118
(702) 798-9444

They did a great job, so lets use them when possible and send them happy and warm thankful energy.

12-23-08 Wear Recycle name change? Maybe

2009-07-01T01:11:00.000-07:00

Wow has the month moved fast.

I first want to acknowledge that it is about 40 degree warmer here in Vegas then I am used to from Chicago. Its awesome. I go out with minimal layers, no jacket at night! I love that.

So for those who have been watching my flickr page, I have been doing some commission work that's not to exciting. That's nothing compared to the advances that have been made in the Wear Recycle project.

The name will soon be changed again, because I finally pinpointing the concept down. I was never really settled with the project being about fashion's relation with material. It was a start in developing the idea for the physical sculptures, but it the process: casting someone, the closeness, the conversation, the relationships that were being built and exploited in the process seemed more important than the fashion aspects. Tricia Blauvelt is helping me develop another name. I will announce it when it is officially changed...again.

11-22-08 Wear Recycle #3, sneak peak of #4, and more

2009-07-01T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

A new Henderson Art Association blog is really kick butt: www.hendersonartassociation.blogspot.com

A lot has been going on in the crazy life of Nicky. I have started the sculptures I am making for WoPro, my licensing for Nicky Watts Studios has been officially started, I submitted a card design for AIGA, the Recycle Paper Sculpture Series has moved forward, I am starting a branch company with another photographer, the Chamber had Ann and I present at the network breakfast, and these last two weeks have been killer.

Those of you who have been following my blog are familiar with my assignment with WoPro. I have started the first of the 15-20 sculptures. It's a bust. She'll be wearing a large fancy hat and a corset to pay tribute to the first woman to receive a patten in the US: Mary Kies. I'll talk more about this when I have photos to show and more sculptures.

I am applying to be an S-Corp under the recommendation of a lawyer who will be my corporate lawyer. Her name is Darcy and she is very nice, intelligent, and she's going to let me cast her head for Wear Recycle (well, I think I have convinced her).

As for Wear Recycle (formally Recycled Paper Sculpture Series): I got this new name because, with the recommendation of Ann, I submitted a card to the AIGA "What's Your Cause" card fundraiser. Ann (Pettit) of Suede Studios helped me design it. She's my best buddy here and a really great designer. She came up with Wear Recycle and it sounds a whole lot better than Recycle Paper Sculpture Series, so I'm using that now....thanks Ann. I'm always stealing here incredible ideas.

Well, to make a long story short about this fundraiser, the place that sponsored the event: Graphics West, is printing me up a bunch of extra copies of the cards. So unofficially they are the first sponsors of the project. I haven't told them that yet, but I'm sure they won't mind the advertising. I appreciate what they are doing so much.

Since the last time I wrote, the team and I have shot two photo shoot, three people, and I have casted three more. We are weaning into business owners and community members. I have a lot of people who have agreed to do it now. About 15 professionals! I'm really excited about that. Bre and Alice from the Henderson Chamber are doing it along with a handful of chamber members. I love getting the community involved. I'm trying really hard to link the business owners and professionals I meet with the arts in Henderson. One could say it is my goal.

#3

Thank goodness these are done! The editing in this batch took a while, but I'm finally finished. Honestly, I didn't think I shot it very well, but I'm happy with the final outcome.

Photographer and Sculptor: Nicky Watts
Model: Brittani Rael
Hair Stylist: Valarie Zwahlen
Make Up Artist: Samantha Henrikson
Assistants: Jennifer Nicholson and Jeannette Spradley

Here's a sneak peak of what #4 looks like

Photographer and Sculptor: Nicky Watts
Model: Malika Istandarova
Hair Stylist: Valarie Zwahlen
Make Up Artist: Samantha Henrikson
Assistants: Ann Pettit

This is from the 4th shoot. I rushed getting the editing for this done because Malika is submitting it for the cover of a magazine in the country she is from. Don't ask me what country because she told me and I had never heard of it. I guess it used to be part of Russia, but I could be totally wrong on that. Geography was always a challenge to me. I'm crossing my fingers because it would be great if it were published, especially on the cover! Wear Recycle international!

I had to put this set on hold after completing this image so I could finish Brittani's photos. So they will be done soon. The shoot was also with Pharoah Najm, but you'll see him in the finished products ;).

I will tell you more about my future endeavors with Jenn and Marcelo when it is more set up and ready.

Network Breakfast!!! Ann Pettit (previously mentioned) and I had the opportunity to present our Strategic Alliance at the breakfast. This was a great opportunity for Ann and I to boast about our skills and companies and each others in front of everyone. We used the AIGA card as an example and discussed how we plan marketing strategies together. I used my recent ploy: the coca cola playing card attached to my business card. We did a great job. I am sure I got at least one client from it, and possibly another. Good work to both of us!

Well, I'm pretty tired of writing now. There are advances in HAA and the artist/live space I'm trying to build too, but I'm too tired to explain. More very soon, not sure when because I have a shoot tomorrow that will take a lot of editing, but soon.

Thanks for reading. :)

10-16-2008 Recycled Paper Sculpture #2!

2009-07-01T01:09:00.001-07:00

Oh yes. Here it is.

For those of you who don't know, I have been working on these recycled paper sculptures for a while now. I made my first one when I was still living in Chicago. It took about two weeks for the paper to dry. Here in Vegas, in the dead heat of summer, it took about 24 hours.

The original sculpture was of a sewing mannequin that I had built a pregnant belly on. I was going to deal with my sisters pregnancy through this. Tarcy (my sister) had giving birth by the time I graduated and was able to put my time into the project.

I kept the idea of recycled paper sculptures in my head. Then a client of mine wanted really creative portraits: walla...time for the recycled paper sculpture... He turned down the idea, but my mind wouldn't let it go.

I have also been taking 8x10 negatives of these shoots, and have developed them. I got acceptable images from each shoot, with lots and lots of room for improvement. It seems my camera has a light leak, so I need to figure out exactly where. Its a new camera for me. I'm actually borrowing for a very long time and am hoping that I'm not asked for it back until I can afford to get my own. Its like my baby, I love it.

Here are the pics.

and the credits:

Photographer: Nicky Watts
Location: Nicky Watts Studios, Las Vegas
Model: Priscilla Gallegos
Make Up Artist: Samantha Henrikson
Hair Stylist: Valarie Zwahlen
Recycled Paper Sculpture: custom $2500: Nicky Watts
Wardrobe: Priscilla Gallegos
Assistant: Morgan Zwahlen

I just want to announce, that I have an incredible team working with me on this. They are just so cool.

I almost forgot to mention; while we were preparing for the shoot, Samantha and I decided to make hamburgers (She was very early so it was no big deal), and I'm always concerned that everyone ate well before hard work. At some point while the burgers were cooking, I forgot the spatula on the stove and walked away. There was a huge burnt section of the spatula followed by the fire alarms. Oh boy must I have the worst fire alarm on the face of the planet. Rich and I have no reason to worry that we would sleep through them, that's for sure. Luckily, Priscilla hadn't eaten either so it justified the awful noise that was erupting right as Valarie and Priscilla were settling in. The fire alarms went off twice, and Priscilla's first burger was barely cooked. What a riot! Its a good thing I'm a photographer and not a chef!

10-10-08 Casting and More

2009-07-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I haven't blogged in a little while. It doesn't mean I haven't been doing some cool things though.

I have now finished the second recycled paper sculpture and will be shooting Priscilla on Tuesday.

I just casted the third model about a half our ago. Her name is Malikasha and she has incredible hair. So much that we had problems getting control of it for the casting. I ended up making a ring for the cast, so her hair can come out the middle for the shoot. Malikasha and her sister Mira were so nice.

I also have a shoot on Sunday to develop a young ladies first modeling portfolio.

I had a ribbon cutting at The Waterford Wedgewood Company Store earlier this week. The manager there, Kim, said I can use their merchandise in my photos. I'm so excited, I borrowed a perfume bottle. Kim said it had a specific name because it sprays, but I don't know what it is. This will go very nice with the shoot on Sunday. We will be doing an evening shot, it will go perfect.

Since the last time I wrote, I also have attended a exporting seminar. I hope that I am able and prepared to export within a year. I want my exhibitions to go over seas, so I will be looking into this more.

I've been working diligently on Crystal Bowersox's cd cover. i am prob starting over because neither her or myself are loving what I've been working on, but I've been having a lot of fun with the blending and layer modes. I'll prob put up all the different experiments once I have finalized what it will be.

Well, Take care.

9-25-08 First Wear Recycle Shoot: Zaya

2009-07-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

This shoot was the most amazing shoot ever! I swear. Here are the credits:

Photographer: Nicky Watts
Location: Nicky Watts Studios, Las Vegas
Model: Zaya Kharkhuu
Make Up Artist: Samantha Hendrickson
Hair Stylist: Valarie Zwahlen
Recycled Paper Sculpture: custom $2500: Nicky Watts
Wardrobe: Zaya Kharkhuu
Assistant: Jeannette Spradley

Everyone did such a great job, I already finished the job. 4 pictures photoshopped, oh...and shot, in one day. Oh yea, I'm on a roll. Here's the grid I made of the final three I kept as the best.

Awesome, huh. Ok, well I'm off to sleep. Well after I print one for my very early morning networking breakfast....7am...yuck.

Wear Recycle Blog!

2009-06-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

OK. This is the first Wear Recycle Blog Post. Since I have being posting Wear Recycle stuff on my regular business and art blog, I will repost it all here to make things easy.

Thanks for following. :)